Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Holidays

As the holidays come to a close and people start returning to the normal grind of daily life, I am taking a few extra moments to remember the true meanings of each Holiday. Not because I am having some deeper feelings about the holidays, but because too often people get lost in buying the world to measure the holidays. This year I spent my holidays with some great people and I have really enjoyed myself. I took my kids to a concert and it was awesome. If I have learned anything, it is time is worth more than anything wrapped in a shiny box.
I love what I do, for businesses , for people, for friends, for families, but most importantly I love what I do for my family. The role that I play the example that I am... that's my holiday

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Precious gifts

This holiday season people are reminded about precious life. While the Jews celebrate the miracle of light for 8 days, something that no one can really explain, Christan's celebrate the birth of a baby born to a virgin, another miracle no one can explain. In both cases we are reminded that our existence is precious. That the people before lived lives that were harsh and full of hardship unthinkable at the time, yet managed to rejoice in the slightest gifts.
This holiday season I will be rejoicing for the precious gifts in my life. The people that have been given to me to guide me, to hold me, to teach me, to make me a better person. And for the people that have knocked some sense into me when I really needed it- yes to you- I hold you very close to my heart!
To my sisters, my life has extra meaning, I have been the "top", the oldest, the mentor, the figure-head, the example (right or wrong), and the "ruler of the little people". While you were learning from me, it is I that have learned from you! Thank you for always excepting me for my faults, mistakes, and stumbles and being there to lift me up back to my "throne" of authority and remind me of my place! I love you! YOU are my precious gifts and I thank Mom and God for each one of you -still a little upset ONE of you wasn't Black ;) but I am working that out through my friendships!
Mom- God does make plans- that is for sure- what a precious gift I believe he gave both of us. Who knew but him what our lives would be... hard to believe how we started out and where we are now. I am glad for my precious gift.
KELLY RICKETTS- YES I am naming you! We have a BOND very few in a life-time would ever share! Tell me God doesn't plan... what a precious gift!
Megan- I couldn't write enough in here. I have 15 years of a daily reminder to look at, and believe me, I do. When I see my son, I remember the people that were there for me the most and you (and your hubby) are precious gifts only God can create and I am so grateful I was selected to be your friend!
Finally, to my husband, there is so many things I could and would say. So many people have had there thoughts about "us" in the beginning and after almost 11 years I am pretty sure everyone knows that YOU are the most precious gift I have received. The day you sat next to me holding my hand when I learned I had MS pretty much sums it all up. I thought my life ended, and you assured me it just started! YOU were right! Here I sit today, a COLLEGE Graduate (with HONORS!) accepted into the Masters program (WITH YOU) starting in January, with three GREAT kids, a great house, cute dogs, a cute car, and a great life. Yeah... you were right... that day my life didn't end, it changed that was it and you have been there every step, I am beyond BLESSED! I love you!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Sometimes I think it is better not to know everything. When we are little one of our favorite words is "why". We want to know everything. We need to know what makes things run, work, happen, and not work. As we get older we find those answers sometimes the hard way, and sometimes through others. I have seen my share of "wish I didn't know that" and "I sure am glad I know that" but sometimes there are things in life you just can't prepare yourself for. Those are the things that hurt your heart. Those are the things you wish you didn't know. I think people would laugh a little more, dance a little longer, and hug just a little tighter if the things they didn't know never happened. Sounds kind of strange, but people end up shielding their heart afraid someone will come in and shatter it they end up missing out on the finer things of life. We get this one chance to enjoy it... we better make it a good one with the things we know...

Yeah... I know how to live... one wave at a time!

Treasure Chest

It's always the little things in life that you miss during the holidays that you come to realize as you get older. Certain smells if things were cooked, or certain traditions- maybe even snow (for a day!). I remember when I was little we would travel to my grandparents at some point and feast with family- extended too! People that I couldn't tell you exactly how they were related- just that they were family- mine, and they all loved me too! My sisters and I would get new dresses (some years matching) and new shoes, we would run around, cause after all that's what kids do, and then we would all come together and sit down for a huge dinner. I remember people would fuss over my Grandpa (nothing was wrong with him) and I would think when I get older will I fuss like that? Now I would give anything to fuss over him, if only for a little bit... But we all got older, traditions have changed, families have moved, and what was once important has shifted.
When I moved to Florida I was blessed by a husband who not only loved me, but loved my son. In addition to that his family took us in and put up with my "demanding" ways. I brought with me "my" way of thinking and "my" way of doing things. Who knew there were other ways of doing the holidays? But with love and patients they let me in...
Last year I was quick to put up my tree, my village, the wreath, and decorate the house. It was wonderful!

I just fell in love with the look and everything. That was last year! (actually I think the pictures are from two years ago because last year  I even had a train!)
This year came and it just hit. Life is life, you would think that with graduating school I would be flying high- that just wasn't the case. I heard over and over again how proud everyone was, and although my children were there to see my husband and myself walk it just felt like something was missing. Quickly the weeks passed.
Christmas came.
Anyone who truly knows me, knows it is a struggle and not my favorite time of year anyway, I push through, but enough "baggage" weighs me down and I generally glide through the holidays hoping I don't drink my weight. This year was like a rock got stuck in my throat and I just haven't been able to get past it, nor have I really been able to really express it.
It hit me. For years since I moved down, I have always purchased two wreaths. One I would decorate for my house, and other I always decorated very similar for Nana. She would always make a big fuss about how "us kids" (Rich was her grandson) shouldn't spend our money on that sort of thing, but then she would spend the whole holiday going on and on about it, totally delighted over a wreath. I always put some sort of little trinkets on it, and I never knew what happened to those. I know she saved them. That's another story, I guess... 
Last year she was gone. So I only made one wreath, and I thought about her the whole time I made it and how she would comment on how lovely it was. When I hung it up last year I smiled, and shed a tear. This year, there is no wreath. I don't know, maybe it was just my schedule, maybe it was just on purpose. Maybe it was easier... I know I thought that when she passed away there would be a little treasure chest of all the little trinkets from the last few years from the wreaths as I had watched her carefully take them apart and save the bows and little pieces telling me as she did how much it meant to her. It meant something to me, I guess, I belonged, if even for a little bit. I was so hurt to find the way her treasures were treated.
When my Grandpa passed there was a world of things my Grandma made sure that we knew was still there to touch, to feel, to be apart of, but I know even some of that is slowly slipping away. My Grandma has given us the biggest blessing of them all, with memories of photos, and stories and some bow-ties :)- I really wish I had taken some! But the memory of them and all the other precious moments will live with me in my memory treasure chest!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Lack of understanding

I was raised in a house learning religion. Learning about forgiveness, and most importantly God's grace. Love has always been something I have held dear, and forgiveness is something, that although hard at times, I have learned. People in my life have often remarked at the fact that it takes lava to get me to my boiling point, but like lava, I too have learned to cool under some of the most hurtful situations.
I witness people turning to God, using God as some sort of way to almost excuse their own behavior towards others. I guess I lack the understanding or I lack the knowledge where it is in the scripture that says treat some people in a righteous manner while walking over other and being down right cruel to others. That part may have been removed from my Bible, and that's okay, I wouldn't want a Bible that makes actions okay for some and not okay for others.
I guess what I am getting at is something I read recently (Thank you Kim). It talked about people who TALK about needing to work on their relationship with God (not saying that is a bad thing), but find themselves gossiping about anyone, or putting people down in subtle ways rather than lifting people up. The article went on to talk about how people are so quick to express their religious beliefs yet cut out family members for actions they didn't agree with. Pretty sure that isn't in the Bible either. Now I am not saying go hug your drug dealing, gun smuggling relative and help them commit a felony. But condemning family members and shutting them out for things they may not even understand, while in the same breathe spreading God's love for everyone- take a good look at yourself! Try...
I love my family, all of them (yes I said it)! One way or another either by blood or adoption, or marriage, my family has embedded themselves into my life and I would move heaven and earth for them. When they hurt I hurt. It sickens me to know however, that there is a member of my family that for whatever reason has decided that it is better that my family is not apart of their lives. WOW! But please by all means- love the Lord with all your heart!
This holiday season I have tried my best to toe the family line and be jolly. I guess the reality of the holidays really hit me when I realized my kids were not going to school today- I haven't even set up the Christmas village. The house is barely decorated. The tree and the lights are done, but that's about it. If my wonderful hubby didn't have a part in it, it didn't happen. It's hard to explain, it's hard to understand... mainly because I lack the understanding of why! But like she likes to say over and over again, I guess it's all part of God's plan!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Waiting for the end

Went to the Doctor and I knew I was looking at getting something... every time I am sick it is never a matter of "take an over the counter medication" and see how you do. Nope there is always something that involves a trip to the pharmacy. So I waited... Waited as she reviewed my file, almost looking for all the other treatments (I was wondering if she was just going to copy it or come up with some new) and she finds it- amazing- I've been sick before, and they have treated me before- really amazing! So she writes the scripts, and sends me on my way with a warning to rest the next several days and if I am not better by Monday to call... really? If I am not better by Monday- I think I will be dead- MONDAY! Wow! Great, so I am waiting for the end of this wonderful cold. I can't start taking my MS medication again until I am officially "cold free" but if I go longer than 14 days it starts a whole other health issue with my heart. Great!

September's end

September is winding down fast, wish my cold was traveling at the same pace. I took a new decongestant last night and that has seemed to help. I also did something I am not a fan of, but it was what was recommended to give me a fighting chance- I stopped taking my MS medication. Yikes! I am only stopping for a couple of days while my white blood cells have time to rebuild (at least that is what was recommended) hopefully, in a few days I will feel 100% and I can resume. Any thing longer than 14 days and I have to start all over again with a Dr.'s visit to ensure my heart doesn't stop... lovely! Nothing like taking medication that is oh so good for my brain but is wreaking havoc on the rest of me. Makes you wonder if a shot every day that destroys your muscles really isn't all that bad... just kidding! Trying to find the bright side today, looking hard... I'll find it! I know I will! I think I just did- Meg- I broke my "plain" Finally!!! down 5 more pounds and out of that last group!- about time! That's a total of 21 pounds so far! LOTS more work to do!     

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

personal struggle

I am trying to figure out if this horrible cold is in any relation to starting this new med. I can't shake it and I am miserable. Not just "oh take some cold med miserable" but is this ever going to end miserable?! It started after Amanda got it, gave it to Erik back in August- now the we are nearing October I am searching for anything that will give me the upper hand! This is one personal struggle that seems to have no real answer in sight! I need to win, and win fast! October can get here and see me laid out wishing to die! I have six weeks left of school- and I don't want to spend those weeks working in between a horrible cold... not fun!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Moments of greatness

I would love to know who wakes up and says they hope their day will stink or that they will just have the worst day of their lives. Who does that? I really believe people wake up and start the day ready for moments of greatness, but I think sometimes they are lost on where people prioritize their lives.
How do you introduce yourself? People ask what do you do -what is your answer? I find it so interesting how people are wrapped up in there titles.  Me- I'm a full time wife, full time mom, I go to school full time, and oh yeah, I work full time for the City of St. Pete. If I were to say my "title" it would lead to more questions because it's government speak that means I work really hard for businesses and others and make okay money.
People kind of laugh- then ask why the order? I always laugh and answer in this way- I can't take a day off from being a wife or mom. School is part of life, and although classes are one thing there will always be life-long learning... then I work (full time). That is the one place I do get time off from- so why would that be the one thing I identify with? When my hubby calls or texts me at 11 am to ask if I can pick up the girls can I reply with- sorry honey I'm "off" today. When my son sends me a text asking if hot tea will help his cold, do I respond with "sorry look it up on webmd- I can't talk to you- this isn't kid time?"
I can however say, "I would like Friday off- yep taking the day off of work" and no one thinks less of me.
I believe my best moments of greatness are when I hear the words "Mommmm, and Honey". Yep, that's when I do my best work! I may not receive awards, trophies, or letters from the Mayor thanking me for the way I handled the 1:30 am toothache, or upset tummy. But the next morning when my happy camper is up and ready - yep greatness! Sitting on the floor in my sons room while he talks about his playbook and talks about practice and coughs and coughs- but tells me he'll be fine- as long as I give him the secrets to getting better faster- yep another moment!
Being inspired- I laugh when I hear people talk about needing to find their inspiration. Not laugh at them, but just laugh. I think back to an Oprah show and book club the "Every One Has a Story". People look at their lives and think oh, not me, nothing for a BOOK- but really- maybe not a whole long novel, but you have a story and it's something to be told and you'd be surprised who would be inspired by your life. I listen to people and I am continually inspired by their lives what they have done and what they continue to do... it makes me feel like I have raise the bar! Be brighter than the sun- moment of greatness!  So instead of looking at life like something bad might happen, or just a bummer- I look at life hoping to inspire someone- that's my moment of greatness- what's yours?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Things that drive me nuts!

This could take a while but then no one would want to sit and read the whole list...
I found myself a tad heart hurt last night talking with someone important. I was relating (again) how I had gone to great lengths to avoid hurting one of my younger sisters feelings by creating a photo album for my sister who had just got married and yet the whole time respected the fact that my other sister was working very hard on photos she had taken. I went as far as NOT posting the wedding photos on my facebook page, and I didn't even edit my photos (despite wanting to). Instead I emailed the photos to the new bride and let her make the decision as to what to do with them (again trying to be very respectful to everyone). Instead, I get told I hurt her feelings anyway- but not by her!
I shoot from the hip- speak my mind- bite my lip when I need to- but I fight my own fights. And I do not send others to fight my own fights- that drives me nuts!
Blocking me from your life- then blocking my family from your life? Not sure how that solves anything- that drives me nuts too! My niece isn't too happy with me or some of the things I have said recently (more shooting from the hip) so now I don't exist. But I always find it interesting when I do... that drives me nuts!
I have to finish my school work this evening... I haven't heard from either of my team mates- we have a HUGE paper that is due Monday night and neither one of them has so much as replied to my emails. I spent the better part of my day cleaning my house and then cooking because we had some guests over. I didn't get much help... so now that it's almost 7 I get to start on ME- that drives me really nuts!

Monday, August 1, 2011


I'm totally stuck in my moment right now unable to move. It happens from time to time. I want to yell, scream, even cry if that would help. But I know in my heart none of those actions would solve anything. I'm just stuck. It's hard. The answers are a big unknown, causing stress bigger than life. I feel sometimes I am in a parallel universe living another persons life. My tummy rumbles, my heart aches, sometimes I actually do cry but to no relief it makes... I'm stuck, stuck in the middle between forwards and just standing still. There is no where else to go currently, because I can't just leave, so I'm stuck. It makes it even harder watching what goes on around me, knowing what I know. People think I have no clue, little do they know... I'm a whole lot brighter than they give me credit for. Yet they turn to me for all the answers, still I'm stuck, and it weighs on me. This isn't the way life was suppose to be... just stuck...

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Totally Cute

My hubby is a grown man, that is for sure... But to this day it is so cute when he wants me somewhere and I have other plans. He doesn't say anything, but he does have almost that little get pout about him. The sighs, the "no, it's okay, really", and all the other little things, that say yep, it's "okay" but I really wish you were with me... It's totally cute, and I totally love him!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Speaking is one of those things I truly believe people take for granted. Feelings get hurt so quickly, often without words ever being spoken. Actions that were intended for one purpose are taken as another, and people run with hard emotions, instead of taking a moment and looking at all the facts. I truly believe that wars start because people do not know how to speak, and think others should do it for them. People who know me know that I say what I am thinking, and I fight my own battles- most of the time. It is VERY rare that I will have Rich speak on my behalf, and even then I am standing next to him so the person is aware that I am "behind" the message. See I have learned that many things gets lost in the game of telephone, we've all played it one time or another, and we all laugh at the last person who blurts out the phrase in the end... burnt sausage sunrise! WHAT! That's not what I said at all!!!! Yep- telephone is dangerous! And so is being upset about anything and never actually talking to the person to find out what really was going on... CONVERSATIONS and true communications can save alot of hurt feelings, relationships and prevent war! I have yet to see a war without casualties... No one is really ever the winner... there really is never a "good" outcome... and sometimes PRIDE is just a little too much... olive branches are all around, but sometimes people rather grab and smash them, and make statements, than actually communicate what they really feel...

Thursday, July 14, 2011


The money is paid and I am hoping that I just may be completed with BS degree! I know I am done with all the BS that goes on within my classes. I look around and all I can think is these are the people that are "earning" the degree I am? WHAT! But then I remember- MY GRADES! I listen to my classmates complain about barely getting through their classes and "staying active" and I scratch my head trying to figure out what that means- I have completed 105 credits (am currently taking 3 right now and have a 100% in that class) so I have 12 more to go (hoping to get out of those with my PLA) and I am sitting on a 3.87 GPA. Yeah, I took it seriously! Why wouldn't I? But that got me thinking, I took it seriously for many reasons- what happens that people pay for school yet kind of attend? Don't get it! All I know either way I walk WITH my husband in September and I can't think of a better thing to do!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Couple little words

I am in the middle of total stress- work, to the point where I sent it home- something I hate doing, I was driving to pick up my girls only to take them with me to a meeting. That is when I get the first text- "don't forget the girls"- yep I'm on it- and everything else in my insane life. I let him know what is going on and he comes back with a couple little words I really needed "love you". It's amazing how a couple words in a text can change things... I still had to get the kids, I still had to get to the meeting, and I still had work waiting for me when I got home- even though when I woke up this morning my plan was to go watch him umpire his game tonight. Plans change- but his love for me never has, that gets me through... best couple little words all day!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

shaking it up

I have great friends! I have people that will listen to me, cry with me, and tell me when I am way out of line! THOSE ARE TRUE FRIENDS! I find myself from time to time searching for reality checks because my weeks tend to fly by and I make decisions without thinking. I need people around me to say "HEY- are you serious!" If it weren't for those people in my life shaking me now and then, who knows where I would be. I am grateful to all my friends who keep me grounded, but at the same time bring out the crazy in me that expands my horizons and pushes me to be more than a couch potato!
I truly believe everyone has a point when we get lost in ourselves and we start acting in a away that we justify for one reason or another to be okay. It maybe "for the kids", or "just to pay the bills", sometimes its "the need to succeed", but in the end if we took a real long deep hard look in the mirror and were HONEST with ourselves we would quickly realize the backstabbing words, the cruelness shown to others, or the slips in judgement (for the good cause) weren't really all that good after all. Does being right all the time really matter all that much? Is being in "charge" of every situation really all that important? Having a stronghold on every situation sometimes comes at a price, a human price. As I watch my children grow and develop relationships (working, friends, etc) I can only hope I leave them with a sense of kindness and respect towards others regardless of the situation. To care about other people regardless of what they think and feel. Knowing that on the other side of the table, room, area is a person with real feelings and a real heart that can and will be broken. Cut throat actions may get you to the top, but as you stand at the peak looking down (alone) its a long fall. Who will be around to catch you? I prefer to climb with people, bringing them with me, so if we fall, we fall together- laughing the whole way down, dusting ourselves off and plotting a new way to the top. I hope that when we get to the top I can share the view with all my friends and delight in it- whatever view it happens to be... just a dream, gosh, I hope not!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

stopping to think

Saturday's come after a long week of work... sometimes we are lucky and the week flies by, sometimes the weeks drag on as if never ending. Then Saturday is here! The day is always packed with to-do lists that can never really be done, and lists of people you would love to spend time with, but some how miss seeing. I wish sometimes we worked the weekends and had the weeks off! Five days to do what we need to do on the weekends, and visit with the important people in our lives. I think about work and wonder what would happen if everyone could only do their jobs 2 days a week- sure buildings would take forever to build (if we staggered those two days it could happen), stores would need to work with me on this... but I just think we would be happier in life if we took time to enjoy it more and stress less. I even here my stay-at-home mom's (GOD LOVE YOU!) stress over what they can't get done because of the endless needs during the week in preparation for the weekend- just crazy I tell you! I want to enjoy my time.
I have a paper to finish writing today, photos I need to go through and hopefully post, a house I should attend to (that won't happen-watch), laundry that needs to be done, and find sanity (I hear they have it somewhere). I figure that is a good enough list!
Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 9, 2011


I once was told life was all about how you look at things- the perspective. My grandfather always taught me that true beauty wasn't about capturing a photo from the best angle, using the best lighting, or having the best equipment- it was the perspective. There is a photo in my parents house of the Statue of Liberty taken as though she is simply going for a walk, another photo of a now "famous to some" Pegasus with smoke billowing around it just so slightly- these photos never won anything, but every time I see them in my heart I remember his words- "when you take pictures, if its clouds (he loved the sky) or people you have to remember to capture the meaning and purpose of the moment in the click, because in that moment it will be forever frozen in time". He would tell me these little lessons while we developed pictures in the dark room, and I can't help but think of him as we have reached the digital age and it is SO easy to take 900 photos- he would develop 12 maybe 24. As I look through my lens I have a new found perspective...  I am so grateful and blessed for the life that was hand picked for me!
Love and miss you Grandpa Sam thank you for your wisdom! I hope this picture is one we would have printed together!!!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sunday mornings

Sunday mornings in Florida are just a blessing. For some reason I have found week after week, month after month, year after year we hardly have bad weather on Sundays. It may be "too warm" for some folks (I think when my Ohio friends are dealing with the teens- 80's would feel pretty good!), but we live in a word with indoor/outdoor fans, air conditioning, and pools! I hardly go anywhere any more that doesn't have AC even "historic" places have retro-fitted to include AC more to preserve and help with moisture as to encourage guests. (THANK YOU FOR THAT) Enjoying church on Sunday morning is one of those things that takes a moment out of our lives, builds us back up, and gives us a moment to reflect on what has gone on in the past week. I truly believe Florida SUN is sometimes the "FATHERS" way of making just that easier to rejoice. Some people rather worship at the beach in their own private ways (we actually have a church at the beach too- it's Florida after all), while others bring their family together in their patios, the fact that for some time during the day people take time to remember that the sun that is warming the earth rose from the sky and will set- has a purpose- and was created for us, is just so incredible. So this Sunday morning while I have friends dealing with the loss of three precious little boys, and family I don't get to see, and dear friends moving yet again after a horrible experience, I will take a moment to look into the sky and thank God for his warmth from the SON and giving me this Sunday to rejoice in him.  

Friday, June 3, 2011

Are you kidding me?

So Friday is suppose to be the laid back kick up your feet day- right? Someone didn't get that memo! I didn't go to work yesterday because my MS won that battle and getting out of bed became the chore. So today was the "we need..." and "don't forget..." Then came the calls (I forgot to mention it was only 9 am) next thing I new I was downstairs for about an hour and half- okay but that means NOTHING gets done! Shortly after that I get another call, I am needed at a Fire Station- really? Now normally these are fun calls and I get to enjoy myself- not this visit... contractor scope issues involving SBE (Small business enterprises) are always "fun"... so hard hat (yes I look great) in hand- off I went. Still bumming they don't have a fire pole, living with the flat screen tv! Mad I missed lunch- what gives! So the day is one huge mega meeting that leads me dirty- dirty!!!!!! YUCKY!! So I am finally back at my desk- I'm forgetting the part where it's almost time to go- and I open my email- WHY DO WE DO THIS ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS? So HOLY MOTHERLOAD! I have 40 emails- like I have time for that- it's Friday people! (Megan I know you are laughing at this point- along with all my other "peeps" who can totally hear me saying this- STOP SNORTING!) So I'm going through them and some are whinny wanting information they received at a meeting (read your notes people), some are event information- DAN WELDON PARADE next Tuesday- SWEET! Then there was one that stopped me in my tracks!!! Okay it's email I wasn't going anywhere... it was from this Mom I had talked to at the ball field on Wednesday during Lizzy's game. Now anyone who knows me, knows I walk around... and cheer for PLAYS... most people don't know I have a kid on the team- I don't say I do unless people ask. If you don't know me enough, I don't share that info. We talked as I was cheering on someone, because she asked me if that was my daughter. I told her no, I just know she can hit- (it was actually someone from the other team my daughter had played with the year before).  I know kind of crazy- but my heart is always with the GIRLS- plays are plays, and I want ALL of them to do well. So she was telling me she knew me from earlier in the season- we got interrupted because - like always work came in- a guy wanted my business card and we started talking. She came back to me and started asking me all these questions- I felt bad because to be honest since being removed from the board, I try not to answer anything, say anything, or do anything that can be used against me... NOT going down that road again!!!! I mean seriously! So I joked with her a little bit and asked her how many years she's been at softball. First year! And there it was- a newbie! I tried to reassure her and told her that the first year can sometimes be rough but as she gets more involved she'd learn more. I gave her my card and wrote the website for league on it. I thought that would keep me out of trouble- right? Yeah back to my "FRIDAY EMAIL"! So I open this email to find out that she sent an email with my name? Not sure what that is about? She said she was blind coping me but sent it with my name instead! Oh yeah- THANKS!  Oh but wait!
So those of you in my "peeps" circle know that I am totally FB lockdown... so I had posted the outcome of the game- everyone saw my mom's reply- and my comment back to my mommy (love you mom). So yeah- some how the Mom I talked to phrased what I said on FB the same way when she complained to the board. (That was her email). She doesn't want to give her name, or her daughters name. I can't say I don't blame her, but on the other hand what am I suppose to do? I will have to go back and "clean house" once again! Because like they say- who are your "friends"? Mine trust me, love me, respect me, and stand by me!

Saturday, May 21, 2011


I think I know why God rested on Sunday. SATURDAYS!!! We put so much into our Saturdays that it becomes a necessity to rest. Between school work, kids games, the things we can't say no to, and then the parties. I mean it becomes an issue of Sunday's become Saturday's we have to rest at some point. Two days get everything done that we can't do while we are working- it just isn't enough! Stay home... yeah- those who know me, know that ain't happening! I said AIN'T! I know women will look at this two ways- I have something against stay-at-home moms, or I don't think stay-at-home moms have lives... Let me dispel all of that now! I have "stayed at home" a few times. The first time was when Lizzy was born... we looked at the cost of child care (before and after school, and then adding full child care) and for the three kids, MOST of my check was going to pay for child care- what fun is that- three kids- roughly $375 a week! Ahh working 3 days a week out of 5 to pay for child care- seriously? The other two days paid what??? Then it was the time... So it was decided... I'd stay home... At 4 months old I needed OUT, the kids were driving me nuts... staying home drove me nuts. I loved spending time with them, but two of them were gone, the other one only talked (cried) at me when she wasn't happy. She wanted Dad anyway. For me- I wanted WORK. Cleaning the house is fun, but only for an hour... And it doesn't take 5 days to scrub a bathroom- that's an illness! Yeah, I needed work! SO at that point I started working 2 days, it worked great, Rich was off both of those days so no child care and he saw the whole "pick kids up" life... a day of Mr. Dad. They always behave for Dad- total crap! As we have gotten older, we have added to our lives with activities and I no longer work Saturdays, often. BUT I have substituted that schedule with a full time work schedule because to be honest, staying at home is NOT something this mom can do!  I have since "stayed home" a couple of times due to surgeries. Once for 6 weeks and once for 4 weeks. Both times I remembered immediately why I work  I hate staying home. I hate sitting around, I hate "finding things to do", and I hate spending my days around the house... it makes me find projects- which is always dangerous. To my stay at home moms- you gals are awesome! I would need lots of drugs- the depression I felt alone was enough to send me running back to work... for me I need work... So when the retirement years come, don't count on me to be sitting on my back patio. I will, but only to plan my busy day... I won't be home... nope- Rich will have to keep up... His dance card will be pretty full! Yep, just like Saturdays!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Yelled at

I got yelled at today because someone in my office couldn't use the copier. We had a training session and that person didn't attend, not my fault. Then I sent an email with directions for the machine.. hmm, at no point did this person say anything... But out of the blue- boom! And the somewhat funny thing was this person would not let me show them anything, so really what was I suppose to do? I hate getting yelled at... I mean actually yelled at! Just not cool!

Friends and regrets

I love my Megan! I met her during one of the roughest times in my life and she loved and accepted me through God's eyes. It was wonderful, and without judgement.

One of the things that happens when "you" grow up you make plans... we planned on growing up and living on the same block... you know the our husbands will figure it out thing... to be honest, I think if our husbands ever did meet, they would! My husband isn't one to have alot of friends, just his personality, he's got a bunch of friends, but close friends... he's picky! These guys... same thread! Family first! Anyway, the stars were made differently, and before I knew it I was in Florida- perfect choice for me- the cold kills my body. As for her, she has become the state hopper... Kentucky, Virgina, New York, and now Illinois. During this WHOLE time we have managed to keep in touch here and there. The internet is a wonderful thing...
But I can't help and to think how I miss, I mean truly miss my friend. Miss the fact that she isn't down the street, sitting in my backyard. The guys aren't cooking on the grill... I miss my friend! And more so, I miss the fact that I can't help her when she needs me. Two little kids, you need a good friend- that should be me! So as they have packed up this morning bright and early to head to their next location, next state, I secretly hope it isn't there last. I KNOW Dave isn't a beach bum like Meg... but I keep hoping he finds a want ad someday down here that he can't walk away from... and I will get my chance... Selfish, just a little... but to the person that opened her arms and didn't judge me, I wish I could open my arms and give her a hug and hold her when she needs the extra strength to push through... I love you MEG!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

wow life!

I am never quite sure which path to take in life. I have traveled many roads and lived such a great life for only being 35! Hardship always comes with any journey and you find yourself stopping along the way to refuel, look at the map to make sure you are on the right path, and in some cases change directions.

This last year has been (words just don't do it justice) insane. My job position has not changed per-say, but almost on a weekly basis everything around me is changing. Who I report to, the dynamics, and the structure. At some point I do see actual description changes ahead. In a world that has become driven with more for less- often employees are asked to "earn" their value. Funny- I already do- and then some! But that is another rant, another day!

My classes for my BS will be coming to an end soon- yeah! and then the big question- what next? My masters seems like the next step, but I have personal reservations. It has nothing to do with ability- my GPA speaks to that! (3.86- and that with have 2 major surgeries) I worry about the long term. I truly don't know how long I can work. Yes I said CAN. This year has been very eye opening. There have been times when getting out of bed felt like the biggest accomplishment. Fatigue, leg spasms, migraines, and general pain is just not a way of life- not at 35! Yet there are days even several days that go by and I feel great! I joke that I am too young for this, but the truth is- I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! and it drives me nuts. It's 7:30 at night and really I want to say good-night to my kids and call it a day... this is my current path... is it work? school? or something else causing my current path...

I will rant just a tiny bit regard the "event" and be done... some know I had been the VP of Softball at our local little league. I was removed by our board during a meeting after they voted stated I had been making negative comments to 3 separate  people about the board. Then as I tried to speak, I was cut off and called a liar... the paths we take. The motion was made, the vote was cast, it was done. The next morning I received and email and phone call from one of the 3 who was shocked that I was no longer with the board because she loved working with me. She was asking why I wasn't on the board... funny, I figured she would know... I explained that I had been informed I had made negative comments regarding the league/ board to her. She told me she had never said or implied that... hmm, funny! At that point it was clear to me, the path was chosen... I would take another one! My daughter has continued to play at the league (and have a good season). She hasn't improved, which is sad to see. I have made it a rule to go to the field and sit, just sit. Keep my mouth shut. But it is amazing what happens, and the things you hear. I have heard more complaints, more people upset with just about everyone. And the heartbreaking statements those who LOVE the game never want to hear "WE WON'T BE BACK!" over and over again. And I sit... I will not have it said that I SAID ANYTHING!
Broken hearted- oh yeah! Betrayed- you bet! When I had my hand surgery and could not comb my hair, button pants, or bathe myself I received 18-20 emails a day requested something. At one point I had people typing for me so I could keep up on my VP duties... thank god for kids and interns! Yet at NO point did a single board member ask me if I needed ANYTHING.
Now I look at my road and I see the path before me. I know I have to stay out of the heat. I know I can't do many things and I push myself to act normal, and I will continue to do so... it will just be a path that feels good... and hopefully with people that can love me along the way!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A little craziness in life

I have kept my mouth shut for a week now. Well shut a little. I posted a facebook note making a little comment that most would never understand, much less care about. I don't think I received many comments. I even went as far as posting on two of the board members pages, one responded in a vague manner. A week ago I was REMOVED from the Pinellas Park National Little League Board. I had been the Vice President of Softball, something I was proud to do. It was a volunteer position. One that to be honest was quite costly! Costly in terms of time and personal money! My cell phone bill was over for the last month as coaches, league officials and others would call with questions, not an issue! Costly with my time- something I gave away! I was removed because during the meeting it was brought to my attention that I had made statements against the board. Funny, because I hadn't! As the secretary of the league went through about 3-4 different situations, she did not give me the opportunity to state what I did say, or the conversation that did take place. Which I found funny, because in each case she would say "a person, or someone"- keeping their identity a secret, yet I knew exactly who it was, and what was ACTUALLY said. It's a funny thing about the truth!!! So she quickly cut me off, and proceeded to say, "so all these people are lying" (yet NO ONE in the room was witness to any of it) then in the next breath she made the motion to remove me, and without a blink, like it had been practiced someone seconded the motion and the vote was started.
Later that evening an email was sent from our District staff updating the leagues on what was going on, it was replied to by the secretary that I was no longer part of the board, and do not represent the league in any manners (or something to that fashion). I found it funny only because I started receiving emails from all the leagues that I have worked with wanting to know what happened. They were shocked. I had built a good working relationship with them, and they hadn't heard me speak ill of anyone, so what would I have done to no longer be apart of the league???
The next morning I received a phone call from one of the people that I had alleged to have said negative things about the board to, and again, in shock, she told me she was sorry for anything she might have said or done that may have lead to my removal. I asked her at that time to clarify what I had said to her about my board involvement, and again she told me her understanding was that I had a great interaction with my board. HMMMM? Doesn't sound like bad mouthing to me???
So I am back to be "just a parent" in the stands again... and watching my daughter play this past Saturday, that is alright with me. I didn't have to work in the concession stands this weekend, and I won't the whole season. (Well one time- but that's okay) I like helping out. I like making sure that the league as a whole is taken care of, and the girls are looked after. From what I see- that is NOT what Pinellas Park want me to do, and that is okay!
So I was removed, I walked away quietly, and didn't make a scene despite hearing laughter as I was leaving (classy). I'll pay the $25 for the casino night, we have to (it's the fundraiser for our league), but we won't attend. And my daughter will continue to play, after all she's awesome! She hit an in the park home run and she's 8 playing in the minors! So yeah, maybe I do know a thing or two!!! But I'll be sitting in my chair with my mouth shut... well... unless I'm cheering for her!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Nap time

Well the weekend is almost over and I am ready for my nap! Our taxes our done- yeah! I still have school work to do, but since I can barely keep my eyes open I think nap time is in order. My hand is killing me today. I think my scar tissue issues are getting worse so I am happy that my work has raised issues with the amount of time I can work and forced me to go back to the Dr. I don't think they will be happy with the results, but that is what happens when you ask questions... sometimes you don't always like the answers you get! Again not my problem! My problem has been trying to been getting better- and since I can barely move my hand without aches and pains (even as I type this) I think its fair to say asking much more out of me is getting a bit nuts.
Moving forward will be interesting...
So... as I hook up my tins unit again and lay down for some much needed rest, hoping my scar tissue breaks up a little more, and my pinky finger starts to behave, I will dream about perfection...  something I am hoping to have someday soon!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Happiest mother on earth!

Every mom has dreams for their kids- some they say out loud, some they keep close to their heart. Most involve growing up, being happy, getting an education, and MOVING OUT (haha). And while all of it seems like it will take forever the time really does fly by.
It seems like only yesterday (how cliche`) I was holding my son in my arms and hoping his health would improve so he would grow. He is now 14 and we are picking a high school and he towers over me. Our 8 year old is gaining inches every day, and getting smarter and smarter with every inch. And our high schooler- wow! Just wow!
Today we were a split family this morning, as many times, with kids needed different thing in different directions. Rich took the girls and headed to the field for Amanda's game and I took Erik for the school fair to help him in his high school program "choice". I was really proud of him, seeing him walk around ask questions and talk to the people to get a real idea of the programs and what to expect. Then it was time to head to the field. As we dashed on over little superman wanted "warm drinks" and offered to buy Starbucks (yeah, that's MY boy!!!) and picked up a hot cocoa for his little sis- how nice. Then as we sat at the game, he sat there talking about what a good job his sister was doing (what? are these my kids?).
Getting home I went to the mail box and what did I find... a letter congratulating my son. He has earn a 4 year scholarship, if he maintains his grades and stays our of trouble, his college his paid for (within reason) in the state of Florida... I am the happiest mother on earth and the tears flowing from my eyes were met with his when he realized his dreams will be met! Yeah... hard work does pay off! So what about his "choice" for next year... yeah... I am pretty sure his mind his made up... and I think it's a pretty awesome choice!
I am one very blessed person here!

Sunny Saturdays

The weekends come quick! Sometimes not quick enough! Sitting at dinner last night I had to laugh as we (our company) talked about how even with the day off on Monday this week just dragged on and when the weekend finally arrived it felt as though it would never get here. Sure enough it arrived and the fun began!
Bowling last night, a tour of schools this morning, and a softball tournament. It is always a busy weekend, but this sunny Saturday will make it a little easier to get everything done!
I am just glad I have an awesome man to do it all with!!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

About time!

Okay yeah... practice what you preach! I noticed I fell off the wagon- the blog wagon! It's been since October since I wrote my last blog. Grant it since then football season ended, softball season ended, and now we are getting ready for spring softball, and Amanda took part in travel ball softball. So yeah- sports wise I've been a little busy. Add to that the whole holiday mess and then the fun of having hand surgery in December it's no shock at all that I haven't written anything!
So my surgery- I have decided I have beyond mixed emotions about it. While the idea was to fix the pain in my hand, I am on the fence as to if that is going to happen. I have limited motion. I have issues with certain fingers and my pain levels are up and down. Some nights I am in so much pain I can barely sleep. Those nights are hard!!

But living a blessed life like I do means two things- 1) I don't have to cook- seriously! 2) Out of the blue (like Jan 20) my hubby comes home with "I love you" type stuff and "hearts". Valentines Day is around the corner, but instead of making it that one day, he picks every day to love me. So while he notices me and cares for me all the time, it's about time other people start treating their loved ones the same, because I am just blessed and I know it! Thanks sweety!