Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Weight of the world, Weight loss, weight gain, weighted grades, weighted down, weighted voting areas, weighted feelings...
Ever notice how much our lives revolve around one little word? WEIGHT! There are some that get up every morning and slip into anything that is in their closet. Then there is the rest of the world, that sit in front of there closest hoping that what they pick out won't embarrass them (or others). They hope they can get through the day without loosing a button, or busting a zipper. They pray at the end of the day the line on their stomach will go away by bedtime... Yep weight.  Living on a treadmill, elliptical, running, or a class for some is the rat race that in some cases feels like an endless race to the fridge more than it seems a smaller size.
Why do we do this? Cause for one we grew up in the "clean your plate clubs" only to learn that less was more! We have weighted ourselves down with all sorts of troubles and found ways around them time and time again... often cake...
I smile today as I know I will go home with my gym shoes on ready for the gym (taking off only Wednesdays and Thursdays- and some Tuesday's) and throw myself at some workout... why... well for a few reasons: Not because I have some complete low self esteem that says I am a cow and need to get right... NOPE! I know all things considered, I may not be perfect but my scale has yet to ask for relief. Not yet anyway! No, I'm heading to the gym because well I can! I can walk, skip, even jog a little. That is a HUGE feet all things considering. I want to continue being able to say that exact statement for years to come. I want to stand at everyone of my children's weddings, without help. The weight of the world... at times, weighted feelings, you better believe it! So as I gain a few pounds and loose a few, I know that every day I hit the gym and knock out a 5k on a treadmill, elliptical, or bike I didn't just win another day for me... I won it for them! Weight... a battle of words I think I'm winning...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Truly Awesome

Today was one of those days... the days that just flows. But what was even better was what I witnessed. Elizabeth was invited to a birthday party, dropping her off we were asked (begged) to stay. Her older brother who is 16 was all to willing to "help out" in the realm of Lazer tag. The first rounds showed just what a great shot Lizzy really is, and what a good sport and big brother Erik is. The two of quickly "owned" that place among the 30 or so other players each round and it was funny watch each round come end and they would fly out for the final scores. Then turn around and congratulate each other on another job well done. They worked  together to "work" the game machines and amass a huge amount of tickets to combine them in the end for prize time.

When we got into the car on the way home, my normally 16 year-old always jumps in the front (that rite of passage), but not today, nope he continued his time with his sister sitting in the back seat as they relived their time together.

I have moments in my life I look back on with my sisters and laugh and smile as the memories live on... today will be one of them for them... yea... Little E and Big E... had that truly awesome time together today and no one told them they had too...

The night before... Little E was bowling with her big sister... you think this 10 year old won't look back at her life one day and think "WOW... how cool..." Well you better believe it! I think it's truly awesome how they spend time together- and enjoy it!!!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Bullies... Really?

This is a topic I have never taken lightly. Being the oldest of 4 girls, I truly had the mentality of "don't touch them, that's my job" growing up. Sure me and my sisters got into some fights, sure we got into some nasty name calling- I won't even go into some of the rather cruel nicknames we have for each other... but an outsider poking in and saying something... now you've crossed the line! Prepare for battle! Seriously! I was never afraid to get dirty.
As I got older, it got a little more personal. People got more person. It no longer was about my Dad (who no one knew) or about what I was wearing (or what I wasn't wearing). No, it became about the person I was (or who people assumed I was). People became CRUEL and I do mean CRUEL.
As I look back on life, I do hold my head a little higher knowing that I made it through some of the hardest years and didn't give up. But I also know that I endured some of the harshest, meanest, nastiest, and cruelest treatment from people that really didn't know ME, didn't know anything about ME, or what was going on in MY life. They simply made a quick judgement by what they saw on the outside.
I live my life today knowing that my darkest days, the darkest years when people where beyond cruel and when I had to make the hardest, loneliest decision of my life, was one that I grew the most. Not just as a teen, but as person. I saw people for who there were- sure, but I saw people for who they weren't. People that didn't speak to me and I didn't know all the sudden had an opinion about my life and would throw the nastiest comments my way. The hallways were filled with just trying to get from one class to another without being ridiculed by people I couldn't name. Talk about miserable. But then there were others, people I had known since grade school, people that were "friends" that simple made their own decisions without ever speaking to me. Talk about cruel, talk about lonely... it was beyond dark, beyond lonely...
After a few of the darkest months of my life I went to a Valentine's Dance with a guy that went with me, I truly believe to show the world I wasn't a monster. That night, I floated... we never dated... but I never forgot him. As I struggled to re-find myself in the world that year, my classmates judged my every move and made sure I knew it. I would never be the same. Life would never be the same.

Now, I that know the outcome from my high school years, as I look back from those years I think... how does anyone really ever survive? I hear the constant tales of bullies and the mean spirited tricks that are played out in the halls today. When will it end? Why as a society do we feel that we have to be better than someone and tear them down to let them know we are? We raise our children teaching them they can be anything they put their minds to. We reward their every efforts only to put them into a shark tank with other children that what to kill their every attempt. I see the spirit die right in front of me and yet often adults in power often say "there's nothing I could do", or "I had no idea".  How can you not know what goes on right in front of you? How can you be that detached from the people you spend an entire day with 5 days a week? The things I learn from talking to MY own children in 5 minutes scare me... To prevent the cycle, it starts right at home. Always! For me, I am glad to have the chance, to know that this year, this day, this hour... I have won...
While my bullies may have grown-up and are raising bullies of their own- The punch to the face I took in high school and all the other cruel treatment I endured -stayed in high school. The decisions I made have lived on! Yeah... I know in my heart, I won!