Wednesday, May 18, 2011

wow life!

I am never quite sure which path to take in life. I have traveled many roads and lived such a great life for only being 35! Hardship always comes with any journey and you find yourself stopping along the way to refuel, look at the map to make sure you are on the right path, and in some cases change directions.

This last year has been (words just don't do it justice) insane. My job position has not changed per-say, but almost on a weekly basis everything around me is changing. Who I report to, the dynamics, and the structure. At some point I do see actual description changes ahead. In a world that has become driven with more for less- often employees are asked to "earn" their value. Funny- I already do- and then some! But that is another rant, another day!

My classes for my BS will be coming to an end soon- yeah! and then the big question- what next? My masters seems like the next step, but I have personal reservations. It has nothing to do with ability- my GPA speaks to that! (3.86- and that with have 2 major surgeries) I worry about the long term. I truly don't know how long I can work. Yes I said CAN. This year has been very eye opening. There have been times when getting out of bed felt like the biggest accomplishment. Fatigue, leg spasms, migraines, and general pain is just not a way of life- not at 35! Yet there are days even several days that go by and I feel great! I joke that I am too young for this, but the truth is- I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! and it drives me nuts. It's 7:30 at night and really I want to say good-night to my kids and call it a day... this is my current path... is it work? school? or something else causing my current path...

I will rant just a tiny bit regard the "event" and be done... some know I had been the VP of Softball at our local little league. I was removed by our board during a meeting after they voted stated I had been making negative comments to 3 separate  people about the board. Then as I tried to speak, I was cut off and called a liar... the paths we take. The motion was made, the vote was cast, it was done. The next morning I received and email and phone call from one of the 3 who was shocked that I was no longer with the board because she loved working with me. She was asking why I wasn't on the board... funny, I figured she would know... I explained that I had been informed I had made negative comments regarding the league/ board to her. She told me she had never said or implied that... hmm, funny! At that point it was clear to me, the path was chosen... I would take another one! My daughter has continued to play at the league (and have a good season). She hasn't improved, which is sad to see. I have made it a rule to go to the field and sit, just sit. Keep my mouth shut. But it is amazing what happens, and the things you hear. I have heard more complaints, more people upset with just about everyone. And the heartbreaking statements those who LOVE the game never want to hear "WE WON'T BE BACK!" over and over again. And I sit... I will not have it said that I SAID ANYTHING!
Broken hearted- oh yeah! Betrayed- you bet! When I had my hand surgery and could not comb my hair, button pants, or bathe myself I received 18-20 emails a day requested something. At one point I had people typing for me so I could keep up on my VP duties... thank god for kids and interns! Yet at NO point did a single board member ask me if I needed ANYTHING.
Now I look at my road and I see the path before me. I know I have to stay out of the heat. I know I can't do many things and I push myself to act normal, and I will continue to do so... it will just be a path that feels good... and hopefully with people that can love me along the way!