Friday, June 29, 2012

Cold truth

Some where some time I think everyone forgets how things (their path) got started. Everyone started off somehow. We were all little and we all had a dream once. We all wrote that little paper and said we would be a firefighter, pilot, a cop, and a teacher. Then we grew up and learned that firefighters work long hours and get burned, cops get shot, pilots get hijacked, and teachers put up with kids that don't want to learn- parents that blame everyone but the kid and get paid next to nothing- we started looking at other jobs! Some of us didn't... good for all of you! Especially teachers and cops (sometimes I think its the same job).
Then there came life... we were all going to marry the "perfect someone" we had the picture of in our heads. Who is that person? What did that person actually mean? I hate the word "settle"- I think that is CRAP! I didn't settle! If anything I came to the reality that my life needed MORE! And I got it! I got happiness- for a lifetime... That is my path, and sometimes I think people forget the path they are on my not be the path they think they should be on but... stick with it... it will work!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It's dangerous out there!

The internet is full of great things! Information, connections, and loads of stuff to buy! Who hasn't found a great deal on something? I love catching up and staying in touch with my family since I am pretty far away from most all of them {sniff}. But if I have found out anything- the internet can also be pretty dangerous! Pretty much everyone that knows me (including all the "little people" from back in the day)- {note those are not short people, or actual "little people"} know that when I say something there is a good say 95% chance it is laced in sarcasm. At one point I developed my own language, Aubrism's, because well I just didn't (and still don't) feel that there are enough words out there sometimes to really express how I feel about stuff.
Anyway- I am not sure how many arguments have started because of a statement that was made or a comment that was misinterpreted. My favorite is when people say something might not be their business but proceed to give you their two cents anyway... While the internet is GREAT! It also has its downfalls. Living far away from home (Ohio- home), I'm always the "last one to know". Events come and go and I get to see them through pictures... which makes sense, since I couldn't go anyway, but sometimes its hard, just knowing I missed out (again). There's nothing like seeing pictures to events that you clearly were excluded from and wondering what the deal was... oh well... the internet is dangerous... It causes raw emotions and fast reactions that can cause even bigger problems. That whole wait 24 hours to respond sometimes is not always easy to do... so what do you do... THINK, THINK HARD! And never be afraid to hit the "delete" key over and over again.... cause once you hit "Enter" it's super hard to "retract"...

It's dangerous out there... happy surfing!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Those moments for blogging

Okay I think we all have that moment when we say to ourselves- I can't "post" that! I have this person or that person on my Facebook, blog or whatever that would see it and be offended. Well I agree to a point... Somethings are just funny... the kid sticking something in little bro's nose... some of the funny sayings... but sometimes there are "after posts" that sharing an item causes issues. Sometimes even in my blogs I guard my words. I know there are times when I rant about all sort of things but there are times when I could say alot more. Currently I am in a class when I could say plenty about... I'll spare everyone. Work- I think anyone that has a job knows that you learn some things become off topic. Or you code everything! Then there is family... its not like family doesn't read this... how do you rant about people that drive you nuts? First make them stop driving you nuts! Oh that doesn't always work... oh well! So while I can't change the world I have found that I can blog about it safely, share a laugh or two... and most importantly add some photos of my life. Because what is life in blogging if I am not always sharing a second love of mine... life in photography! Thanks Grandpa!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Dragon life lessons

Saturday mornings are always filled with things to do. This morning was no different. Early morning alarm reminded me we had an appointment for "Spike" at the vet. Erik's bearded dragon has tail damage. Seems his "girl" bit him and caused his tail to die. Sitting in the little room waiting, my son was holding the little guy like one would hold a small child waiting for the Dr. to come it. Comforting him and talking to him. It was cute! But then came treatment! This is when "Mom" has to become "mom"... and Spike gets 5 shots every 3 days... from us. As they were teaching us how to do it, Erik had to look away- What? He couldn't look! Too funny! It will be a while before Spike's tail is "all better" and for now Spike and Nike have have a time out and are separated. They seem to be at somewhat at a loss, not really moving about their new "homes" too much, just enjoying the "heat lamp" all to themselves. After two clutches in a few months... I think they need some space any way...

Friday, June 8, 2012

School's out for Summer!

Ha! Yesterday was the last day of school. Yet me youngest was bummed. 70 days till the next day of school she told me. That was too cute. Her worry... she wasn't going to be learning. Too funny! I let her know I would make sure she continues to learn, and she was very happy with that idea. Gotta love a kid that for 70 days doesn't want to just check out. Sure she wants to have fun, ride her bike, swim like a fish, go bowling, have a party every other day... but she also wants to learn something... I'm happy to teach it to her! But my little Wildcat is pretty smart so its going to be really long.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Pulled in two directions

Often in life you have two sides of everything. When you are lucky its cut and dry. One side is totally right and the other is simply wrong. There is no argument. That makes it so easy- no "sides". As parents you are suppose to be a team. Agree with discipline, awards, incentives, and other child raising type activities- being on the same page just makes sense. I remember growing up my parents were rarely on the same page, half the time I don't think my parents where in the same book. My mom who dealt with me and my sisters day-in and day-out would have moments of just all out "snap". Four girls? Yea- we lead her to blow-out a few times- go figure! But much like her father she generally took a "this can't be the end of the world" approach to most things. I very rarely heard my grandfather raise his voice unless fear of life... THAT is end of world type stuff! My mother did raise her voice, but then I think some of that was the house was big and we were loud. When we got an intercom she would "call us" that quieted her down. My father on the other hand could walk through the door yelling about anything. Stuff left out on the lawn, bikes not put away, name it... he found it, and we heard about it! No "come on guys let's take care of our stuff" type warnings... nope! We should already have known better! If he was saying something, we were in trouble.  End of the world! Two different approaches. It happens. Grunting, under breath comments that you know are just cut-down remarks about someone or something- believe me- they get old. And when you say "what"? All the sudden you must be crazy cause clearly you are hearing things... okay? Yeah, great!

Older and a little wiser now I've decided that standing up for myself was long overdue. But I still hate the "fight". Anyone who has ever known me, I mean really known me in life, knows a few things... but one thing is this- if I don't know something I don't/won't fake it. What's the point? I don't argue to argue. If I read something with facts, then I know. If I don't know, I don't know, and trust you and me, I won't chime in. I find it funny when in conversation I will say something because I have discovered NEW facts, from reading, or through experience and am tossed aside. Clearly I must be bringing it up with my "pretend facts" because I like to hear myself talk. I mean why else would I say what I said? Sometimes I feel like ending everything with "according to..., dated..." just to provide the validity to my statements. But really? I need to go there? I mean WOW! Okay! Also, in my little wiser years, I have learned it is super easy to say "I was wrong." I am not kidding! Why? Because the last time I checked, I am also human, so it happens. The reason it happens, because while I try VERY hard NOT to say something unless I have "checked" my facts, facts change... case in point- the NFL draft. The number whatever person goes to whomever! Okay great! So I am all totally excited and telling everyone that this team finally got a great Center! Yippee! But WAIT... the next day in round whatever he gets traded (oh and I am not paying any attention in round 10- who is?) for two draft picks next year- ah okay? stupid but that's your call! And here I am saying he's with team A... awe poor guy hasn't even unpacked yet! Well guess what... I WAS WRONG! It happens!

I do know that in good verses evil- its a crap shoot! Really- it is! There are times you line-up because well, that is the stance you are "suppose" to take- and then it turns out to be the wrong one. How do you choose the right one? Shoot don't ask me! Why do you think I blog? If I had all the right answers I wouldn't have the need to write about all the stupid stuff I've done. Maybe that didn't come out right. But I do know that my Life in blogging has provided a huge outlet for me. One that has given me a voice I might not otherwise have. But it also has given me a sense of responsibility.  Not that I am going out on a search to cure cancer- let's not get too deep. But I share my thoughts, my life and often know that in a moment something catches someone and they sit back and think... crap, which side did I pick today?

The middle child

I'm the oldest. Yep the kid that came first. That knew everything before anyone, that tried it FIRST, and fell flat on my face before the others had a chance. Yep, I am the oldest! I provided the life lessons- the hard way. Setting the example, not always the easy way... be like her, Don't be like her, be like her... yep, the oldest!
The baby.. she was a little different. I was there, I mean seriously there the moment she arrived. I welcomed her and announced her birth to anyone that would listen. If she has messed up in this world... well its because her three older sisters must not have provided a good enough example... I mean if you fall flat on your face, get burned by fire, end up totally scared you would expect others to walk the other direction. Well... life isn't always that easy. Thus the whole birth order issues of today. Sometimes we want so much to prove we can do it- whatever "it" is, we forget that the person before us is still putting healing cream on the wounds, and in some cases the wounds never heal.
The middle child... what a sucky place! Look up to the "older sis" while at the same time falling on your face and setting a "great" example for your "younger sis"... Right back to that sandwich... Be like her, don't be like her, you need to set an example for HER... yeah great! Last time I checked it's hard enough being "me".
Fast forward a lifetime... all grown-up.. We actually made it (well sort of). We are awesome together, something that is almost dangerous. And it's always funny how quickly the word "proud" gets kicked up. Shoot there are mornings I am proud I didn't fall down the stairs- seriously! And my sisters want to sing my praise- that is almost laughable, but I get what they are saying... Big sis still has that superwoman cape and still wears it! But my sisters have quickly turned into wonderwomen in their own rite. Does that mean I did a good job? Hell, No! Or maybe I fell on my face enough they saw the fire and did walk the other way- then they saw what you do when you get burned... man that sucks! Either way- calling them my sisters sure is one awesome thing!
So Raise it with me!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Thinking of others... and babies lost

Sometimes I think how blessed I really am. My kids are fairly normal. Healthy wise- they are pretty good. Me- while I have my own personal struggles, I know others that have it so much worse. Yes, today I am really thinking of others.
One person that comes to mind was someone who thought of me when I was at what felt for me like rock bottom. And yet for rather haughtily similarly yet drastically differently reasons my loss was temporary (gratefully). While I thought no one would speak to me, be near me, or be around me, Jeremy showed me compassion. Maybe it was because there was something in him that saw around the struggle, maybe he had no idea for the true struggle of loss at the time. I do know that this man is hurting inside now. He and his wife are, a year later, still tip toeing through the steps of grief. Because taking big ones can cause you to fall right off a cliff. While some say to take things day by day- that has always struck me odd... is there any other way? Can you fast forward two three days when the pain seems rather surreal and you would rather not? Day-by-day... I did that once... laid on the couch watching the clock tick hearing every second followed by the loud CHIME to let me know the time. The living room... I should move... I remember thinking... but why? I can only take today as it comes... I remember laying on the couch as words and thoughts and of course emotions ran through my mind. Anger, fear, hatred, pain, loneliness, and feeling empty. EMPTY...
That lump that doesn't go away almost chokes you was quickly comforted by people that let me know I wasn't alone. My friends...
To Jeremy and Carrie- words will never express the birthdays missed. 
To my followers- readers -Please take a moment and read some of Jeremy's words, feelings, emotions, and messages to three little boys- who are blessed to call HIM their dad!

The photo for this blog post is inspired by someone very near and dear to me... I am not as empty as I once was...

Monday, June 4, 2012

Are Monday's going to always be like this?

I hope when I retire I can turn to my husband and say- "honey, what day is it?" Mind you not because I have lost my mind, but because I have no more "Mondays". I am really looking forward to the day when I don't have to worry about if my alarm is set for the right time to make sure my daughter gets to school on time, and I get to work. Then once I get there- what's my password? Oh that's right RICHISSUPERCOOL123!  (Don't bother we can't use real words) Then once I crack the code the Pandora requests, needed  reports, questions- Stuff you have no clue about! And the dreaded meetings, and the meetings about the meetings or meetings to plan the meetings... Mondays... I seriously can't wait till I midway through my morning and realize OH, it's Monday! I should.....nah!!! And go find what Rich is up to... never mind.. I know what he will be up too! ;)

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Things don't change...much

I was looking through some photos (I know I can hear the shock from everyone reading this) and I came across the cutest photo. While I was a tad young in the photo and don't remember the exact moment. I do know exactly where it is. It's at the house in Grand Rapids MI, and my Grandmother is clearly spending what would become a favorite memory... reading and sharing with me.. a book, pictures, or anything!
As my grandparents aged I think I was blessed with the thought that I really did need to learn from them rather than be annoyed by anything they had to say. Both of them are such a wealth of knowledge and to have been able to sit on their laps and spend time with them was always a blessing. Patients! I mean real patients. So often I would be in the kitchen under foot wanting to learn something, anything, and with all the patients in the world my grandmother would tell me how she learned to cook and tell me stories of when she was a little girl while she showed me and had me help make some of the yummiest food.
Visiting my parents in July last year, I looked out in the back yard to see my youngest sitting and talking with my grandma. It was warm and I was pretty ill, trying to avoid the heat I sat inside. I sat inside looking through the big glass doors as the two of them talked for over an hour. It reminded me of old times and part of me wanted to go out there because I felt like I was missing out, but part of me knew I couldn't go out there because Elizabeth was experiencing something she may remember for the rest of her life and I didn't want to interrupt. I finally did go out, and sure enough Lizzy excitedly caught me up to their girl-like chat. The two of them had been sitting out there for over an hour and sure enough my grandmother had blessed Elizabeth with knowledge from the "old world", Hungry, and her childhood. Elizabeth was eating it up and my grandmother was in heaven being able to share it with someone so eager to hear it... Four generations present and time could have stood still (I wish it had), and the only concern... is the ice melting to fast in our drinks? Yeah, somethings don't change.... much.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Rain rain... awe that's okay!

While normally people are bugged by the rain... me, not so much... See I have a TON of paperwork and tons to do... and NO one I mean NO one that can or will help. SO that said, I am not missing out on a great sunny day. I am missing maybe some snuggle time that could go with a rainy day. But let's keep this PG! ;)

I read a blog today that brought me to tears. BACK story... a year ago a dear friend of mine was expecting triples! HOW totally exciting! The best part was he and his wife blogged us through their journey and it wasn't the typical "today I decided I am not eating fast food for the baby" blog. Nope these two are just too cute! They both tackled some serious issues but had a lot of fun with it. Like MOST mulitple pregnancies her's was HIGH risk to the 10th degree! With little warning she started to miscarry. I truly beleive there were thousands that hung by there computers as tweets, facebook messages and blogs spoke about their journey, until it was announced... their three precious boys were delivered and handed to God.

A year later, while many were cooking out, running to go to the store for something they forgot, I had two friends that are still lost. They aren't on a beach playing with the only volleyball that survived the crash. But at times "Wilson" may seem the only thing that understands all the emotions that echo in the walls of their home. As gifts started to arrive, and then returned, grieving begins and never ever truly ends.

Today it is raining, and I recieved an email... it was a link to a blog... as I read it I had to think... is it really raining or is someone letting it all out.