Saturday, May 21, 2011


I think I know why God rested on Sunday. SATURDAYS!!! We put so much into our Saturdays that it becomes a necessity to rest. Between school work, kids games, the things we can't say no to, and then the parties. I mean it becomes an issue of Sunday's become Saturday's we have to rest at some point. Two days get everything done that we can't do while we are working- it just isn't enough! Stay home... yeah- those who know me, know that ain't happening! I said AIN'T! I know women will look at this two ways- I have something against stay-at-home moms, or I don't think stay-at-home moms have lives... Let me dispel all of that now! I have "stayed at home" a few times. The first time was when Lizzy was born... we looked at the cost of child care (before and after school, and then adding full child care) and for the three kids, MOST of my check was going to pay for child care- what fun is that- three kids- roughly $375 a week! Ahh working 3 days a week out of 5 to pay for child care- seriously? The other two days paid what??? Then it was the time... So it was decided... I'd stay home... At 4 months old I needed OUT, the kids were driving me nuts... staying home drove me nuts. I loved spending time with them, but two of them were gone, the other one only talked (cried) at me when she wasn't happy. She wanted Dad anyway. For me- I wanted WORK. Cleaning the house is fun, but only for an hour... And it doesn't take 5 days to scrub a bathroom- that's an illness! Yeah, I needed work! SO at that point I started working 2 days, it worked great, Rich was off both of those days so no child care and he saw the whole "pick kids up" life... a day of Mr. Dad. They always behave for Dad- total crap! As we have gotten older, we have added to our lives with activities and I no longer work Saturdays, often. BUT I have substituted that schedule with a full time work schedule because to be honest, staying at home is NOT something this mom can do!  I have since "stayed home" a couple of times due to surgeries. Once for 6 weeks and once for 4 weeks. Both times I remembered immediately why I work  I hate staying home. I hate sitting around, I hate "finding things to do", and I hate spending my days around the house... it makes me find projects- which is always dangerous. To my stay at home moms- you gals are awesome! I would need lots of drugs- the depression I felt alone was enough to send me running back to work... for me I need work... So when the retirement years come, don't count on me to be sitting on my back patio. I will, but only to plan my busy day... I won't be home... nope- Rich will have to keep up... His dance card will be pretty full! Yep, just like Saturdays!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Yelled at

I got yelled at today because someone in my office couldn't use the copier. We had a training session and that person didn't attend, not my fault. Then I sent an email with directions for the machine.. hmm, at no point did this person say anything... But out of the blue- boom! And the somewhat funny thing was this person would not let me show them anything, so really what was I suppose to do? I hate getting yelled at... I mean actually yelled at! Just not cool!

Friends and regrets

I love my Megan! I met her during one of the roughest times in my life and she loved and accepted me through God's eyes. It was wonderful, and without judgement.

One of the things that happens when "you" grow up you make plans... we planned on growing up and living on the same block... you know the our husbands will figure it out thing... to be honest, I think if our husbands ever did meet, they would! My husband isn't one to have alot of friends, just his personality, he's got a bunch of friends, but close friends... he's picky! These guys... same thread! Family first! Anyway, the stars were made differently, and before I knew it I was in Florida- perfect choice for me- the cold kills my body. As for her, she has become the state hopper... Kentucky, Virgina, New York, and now Illinois. During this WHOLE time we have managed to keep in touch here and there. The internet is a wonderful thing...
But I can't help and to think how I miss, I mean truly miss my friend. Miss the fact that she isn't down the street, sitting in my backyard. The guys aren't cooking on the grill... I miss my friend! And more so, I miss the fact that I can't help her when she needs me. Two little kids, you need a good friend- that should be me! So as they have packed up this morning bright and early to head to their next location, next state, I secretly hope it isn't there last. I KNOW Dave isn't a beach bum like Meg... but I keep hoping he finds a want ad someday down here that he can't walk away from... and I will get my chance... Selfish, just a little... but to the person that opened her arms and didn't judge me, I wish I could open my arms and give her a hug and hold her when she needs the extra strength to push through... I love you MEG!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

wow life!

I am never quite sure which path to take in life. I have traveled many roads and lived such a great life for only being 35! Hardship always comes with any journey and you find yourself stopping along the way to refuel, look at the map to make sure you are on the right path, and in some cases change directions.

This last year has been (words just don't do it justice) insane. My job position has not changed per-say, but almost on a weekly basis everything around me is changing. Who I report to, the dynamics, and the structure. At some point I do see actual description changes ahead. In a world that has become driven with more for less- often employees are asked to "earn" their value. Funny- I already do- and then some! But that is another rant, another day!

My classes for my BS will be coming to an end soon- yeah! and then the big question- what next? My masters seems like the next step, but I have personal reservations. It has nothing to do with ability- my GPA speaks to that! (3.86- and that with have 2 major surgeries) I worry about the long term. I truly don't know how long I can work. Yes I said CAN. This year has been very eye opening. There have been times when getting out of bed felt like the biggest accomplishment. Fatigue, leg spasms, migraines, and general pain is just not a way of life- not at 35! Yet there are days even several days that go by and I feel great! I joke that I am too young for this, but the truth is- I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! and it drives me nuts. It's 7:30 at night and really I want to say good-night to my kids and call it a day... this is my current path... is it work? school? or something else causing my current path...

I will rant just a tiny bit regard the "event" and be done... some know I had been the VP of Softball at our local little league. I was removed by our board during a meeting after they voted stated I had been making negative comments to 3 separate  people about the board. Then as I tried to speak, I was cut off and called a liar... the paths we take. The motion was made, the vote was cast, it was done. The next morning I received and email and phone call from one of the 3 who was shocked that I was no longer with the board because she loved working with me. She was asking why I wasn't on the board... funny, I figured she would know... I explained that I had been informed I had made negative comments regarding the league/ board to her. She told me she had never said or implied that... hmm, funny! At that point it was clear to me, the path was chosen... I would take another one! My daughter has continued to play at the league (and have a good season). She hasn't improved, which is sad to see. I have made it a rule to go to the field and sit, just sit. Keep my mouth shut. But it is amazing what happens, and the things you hear. I have heard more complaints, more people upset with just about everyone. And the heartbreaking statements those who LOVE the game never want to hear "WE WON'T BE BACK!" over and over again. And I sit... I will not have it said that I SAID ANYTHING!
Broken hearted- oh yeah! Betrayed- you bet! When I had my hand surgery and could not comb my hair, button pants, or bathe myself I received 18-20 emails a day requested something. At one point I had people typing for me so I could keep up on my VP duties... thank god for kids and interns! Yet at NO point did a single board member ask me if I needed ANYTHING.
Now I look at my road and I see the path before me. I know I have to stay out of the heat. I know I can't do many things and I push myself to act normal, and I will continue to do so... it will just be a path that feels good... and hopefully with people that can love me along the way!