Thursday, June 7, 2012

Pulled in two directions

Often in life you have two sides of everything. When you are lucky its cut and dry. One side is totally right and the other is simply wrong. There is no argument. That makes it so easy- no "sides". As parents you are suppose to be a team. Agree with discipline, awards, incentives, and other child raising type activities- being on the same page just makes sense. I remember growing up my parents were rarely on the same page, half the time I don't think my parents where in the same book. My mom who dealt with me and my sisters day-in and day-out would have moments of just all out "snap". Four girls? Yea- we lead her to blow-out a few times- go figure! But much like her father she generally took a "this can't be the end of the world" approach to most things. I very rarely heard my grandfather raise his voice unless fear of life... THAT is end of world type stuff! My mother did raise her voice, but then I think some of that was the house was big and we were loud. When we got an intercom she would "call us" that quieted her down. My father on the other hand could walk through the door yelling about anything. Stuff left out on the lawn, bikes not put away, name it... he found it, and we heard about it! No "come on guys let's take care of our stuff" type warnings... nope! We should already have known better! If he was saying something, we were in trouble.  End of the world! Two different approaches. It happens. Grunting, under breath comments that you know are just cut-down remarks about someone or something- believe me- they get old. And when you say "what"? All the sudden you must be crazy cause clearly you are hearing things... okay? Yeah, great!

Older and a little wiser now I've decided that standing up for myself was long overdue. But I still hate the "fight". Anyone who has ever known me, I mean really known me in life, knows a few things... but one thing is this- if I don't know something I don't/won't fake it. What's the point? I don't argue to argue. If I read something with facts, then I know. If I don't know, I don't know, and trust you and me, I won't chime in. I find it funny when in conversation I will say something because I have discovered NEW facts, from reading, or through experience and am tossed aside. Clearly I must be bringing it up with my "pretend facts" because I like to hear myself talk. I mean why else would I say what I said? Sometimes I feel like ending everything with "according to..., dated..." just to provide the validity to my statements. But really? I need to go there? I mean WOW! Okay! Also, in my little wiser years, I have learned it is super easy to say "I was wrong." I am not kidding! Why? Because the last time I checked, I am also human, so it happens. The reason it happens, because while I try VERY hard NOT to say something unless I have "checked" my facts, facts change... case in point- the NFL draft. The number whatever person goes to whomever! Okay great! So I am all totally excited and telling everyone that this team finally got a great Center! Yippee! But WAIT... the next day in round whatever he gets traded (oh and I am not paying any attention in round 10- who is?) for two draft picks next year- ah okay? stupid but that's your call! And here I am saying he's with team A... awe poor guy hasn't even unpacked yet! Well guess what... I WAS WRONG! It happens!

I do know that in good verses evil- its a crap shoot! Really- it is! There are times you line-up because well, that is the stance you are "suppose" to take- and then it turns out to be the wrong one. How do you choose the right one? Shoot don't ask me! Why do you think I blog? If I had all the right answers I wouldn't have the need to write about all the stupid stuff I've done. Maybe that didn't come out right. But I do know that my Life in blogging has provided a huge outlet for me. One that has given me a voice I might not otherwise have. But it also has given me a sense of responsibility.  Not that I am going out on a search to cure cancer- let's not get too deep. But I share my thoughts, my life and often know that in a moment something catches someone and they sit back and think... crap, which side did I pick today?