Wednesday, December 5, 2012

'Tis the... whatever!

While I normally try to avoid rants on holiday spirit and cheer... sorry! Today its unavoidable. Your car is NOT a reindeer. Sorry, I hate to be the barer of such horrible news, but your car looks down right stupid, IN FLORIDA no less, all dressed up like a fricken reindeer with a big red nose in the front.
I will admit on some of the cars that really shouldn't even be classified as cars (the crash test report on them proves my point) does make the argument for their excuse. They are small enough that at first glance you think the car is smiling because it knows how stupid it looks. But the rest of you... shame shame! Especially you monster truck drivers! The ones that go as far as to demasculate (seems like the perfect word) a perfectly great looking truck with those stupid antlers yet keep the "truck nuts" (if you have no idea what I am talking about- ah GOOGLE search- but do not order them!!!)- please go have your heads examined... other cars are simply laughing at every stop light... (yes I said cars) I am sure you haven't figured it out.

A breif history on how it all went so terribly wrong (looking at my grandparents photos I see NO decorated cars- then again I see barely any cars -kidding)

It all started when people started dressing their cars like trees. You'd see wreaths on the front bumper. (I always envisioned someone driving through a mother-in-laws front door out of frustration, backing up and taking the wreath as a trophy.- yes I have had that vision myself) Then came the Christmas lights. I often wondered how many dead batteries those cause cause ya got to figure they are hooked up, ah, "correctly". My favorite are the SUV's & mini-vans with the roof racks covered in garland. I'm sure driving through the woods "collecting" that stuff on the roof rack was the exact look you were going for... no? Well that's what it looks like- well, the bows are a nice touch- but it still misses! Normally when stuff gets "stuck" in your roof rack you take it out, not drive around for a season and accessorize.
People, its your car, that thing that gets you from point A to point B! If you continue to treat it like your little chihuahua and dress it up with all that "bling"... it will ditch you! Or at least it should! I would!

So tis the season to cut people off in the parking lot (that will be a whole other blog rant you horrible shoppers!) to get that not so great parking spot in the pouring rain (I'm good- I need the exercise anyway), and remember as you are out on the road swerving in and out of traffic trying to read this on your smart phone (thanks by the way!) that CUTE super clean, super spotless (okay when my kids aren't aloud near it), super great smelling (see comment regarding kids) car you just cut off might have been ME- NOT COOL! Enjoy the season... Happy Driving!

Oh- a shameless plea... I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to comment, let me know where you're from and you're "Season" grip...