Blogging and sticking around for the joy

When I first started to blog I truly believe part of it was a pressure pot in my brain saying "write your emotions, rather than blow something (or someone) up". I like to look back at the highs and lows of my life through my blogs and reflect at some of my greatest accomplishments. Some of my really good hair choices, along with shoes and hair designs... I mean after all, going back to school and getting two degrees is rather small compared to a really awesome pair of shoes!

A few years apart... just amazing!

I look back at some pictures of my kids. Holy moly, they are still alive! I completely have succeeded at not snapping! That alone should win me some year long Starbucks prize or a weekend trip to a spa. I always have pictures of them when they are angels, I really should take pictures when they are monsters, since blogging about them is easy enough. Oh, but then I wouldn't be able to maintain that image of whatever I am suppose to maintain. You know, that "mother-of-the-year" crap we all strive for and normally fall short on around oh, for me... January 15th- 16th... maybe sooner if it requires dishes too many times. The words "not fair, and why me" quickly get heard and I see my chances sliding before February makes its way. Oh, but then some event happens and I become "the best mom ever! Only to quickly fall from grace again when I dare to utter the word "no" or dare to suggest a room should resemble clean rather than a bombed out cavern.

At some point, maybe when they are, who knows my age, they will look back and think about all the "stuff" they were "forced" to do as they ask their maid to bring in the paper and  be grateful I prepared them for a life that would require greatness and wealth, so the wouldn't have to lift a finger. Lord knows anything less, and a hazmat team will be making frequent trips to their homes.

Yes, I enjoy my blogging do the simply fact that while yelling at home only raises blood pressure not the dust off of shelves, it has give me joy to look back over the years and see how my kids have aged. It also lets me know just were I went wrong all these years...

Yep, I'll be sticking around. I hope you do too! Please share your comments below good, bad, indifferent on how your "child raising" has progressed... or not... I'd love to hear from you!

Also :) I follow several other wonderful bloggers- support them too! Grab a cup of coffee or tea and see below for the list- have a great laugh and enjoy!

Thank you for all your support! I mean really, you could have stopped reading along time ago, but you continue to hang in there with me. You really do think I'll snap don't you? That's okay the odds makers in Vegas are leaning that way too... something about my brain and all... I forget... MS! ;)

Don't forget to "follow me" for updates!

A Deeper Scar

This morning I was fixated by a woman behind the counter at our local Dunkin Donuts. I've seen her several times, and she is the sweetest thing. But today something or I should say somethings caught me by surprise and rather off guard.
While it's never polite to stare I found myself lost, fixated almost at trying to figure out the root cause. Did it matter? Is my life really affect? Or should it be? Maybe that is the true question!

She didn't have one or two, but rather the whole top of her left arm and the left side of her chest was badly scared in what appeared to be one of two options.- a brutal horrific experience, or an ongoing personal long-term series of self-inflected pain (DEEP cutting). To be honest, as I climbed into my car thinking of the depth of the scars, I couldn't grasp which would be worse. I really wanted to go hug her and tell her she was loved. Maybe that's what she needs regardless of what the root of the cause, I don't know. But it made me think of the deeper scars that many carry, that go unseen, unnoticed, unexplained.

This month, October, a call for Domestic Violence Awareness is being promoted by wearing purple. When I received my tee-shirt, I put it on proudly, and asked others to join me and help bring awareness to a "silent scar". Little did I know at the time that all too quickly a little 2 year old would be front and center in the news as a horrible domestic crime putting a boyfriend in jail for murder, and bringing a pro-football player to his knees asking- Why? How odd- his team colors- Purple.

Time and time again we hear stories of little children, babies, too little to defend themselves, killed or seriously injured by tempers. Women beaten for saying and doing the wrong things?

While some scars are visible for the world to see, other scars are deeper in the heart, the mind, and in the soul.

Too often people shake their heads, "why don't they just leave, walk away from someone like that?"  Just image being a prisoner in your mind, believing you have no hope, no where to go, no one else, this is what you deserve, and if you do leave they'll find you and make it worse for you in the long run. Trapped. You play "nice" and hope your survival kicks in until you finally have a way to truly, safely, break free.

But the scars, they run deep. They haunt you in the night. They make you look behind your back and double-lock everything, until you are truly able to take a stand and fight back and say enough is enough.

Will I hug her the next chance I get? You know, I just might! We all need a little more love and security in our lives ... and who knows, it might be the difference in her life!

I was a kid... Once

I think at one time or another every parent has had the feeling or even said, "don't you think I know what you are going through, I was a kid too, you know." And while it is true most people aren't born adults, (although I've had a few teachers I'm convinced never spent a moment as children) everyone started out saying and asking the same things. "No, why, not me, and... Everyone else...". Yet for some reason, generation after generation, kids seem to think they are the first to experience anything. That some how life is only ever been unfair to them. Tell that to a kid who walks miles for clean drinking water. Oh, how I love our children. But some of the "first world" problems that consume their lives and fuel their arguements crack me up. I would have never suggested to my mother that SHE vacuum my room. I mean of course I may have if my arms and legs had been broken in a freak accident and my sister (I shared a room most of my life- I know poor me) was abucted by aliens (I mean seriously who else would take them). Even then she would have looked at me and said, "the Dr said you'll be fine, you're in a hard cast, besides the aliens will return your sister in no time, stop being lazy!" Okay, so my Mom wasn't that harsh, she would have brought me the vacuum cleaner so I wouldn't have to walk so much on my broken casted legs, but hey... That's love! You get the point! The "rub some dirt in it, and get going" attitude runs deep in my family. It was as much a saying, as a family motto. I mean my sister actually did try out for cheerleading with a leg cast (no, none of her family was responsible for that) and did very well. Talk about rubbing dirt! Don't tell a "Shauger girl" she can't do something, she will, and she'll do it even better. That's how we are built, how we are made. That's about conquering, about being strong, not about being disobedient.  Then came the generation issue, the pushing the envelope. We did, times 4! I know there were several times my mom had to look at us and say... "That's right cause I was never a kid, a teen, a....". At any rate, I know she had to wonder where that envelope pushing would lead. In some cases it led to some pretty dark roads. Fortunately, none of us ever had to make that call from jail. And luckily we beat the odds, we are all still here... 4 girls- the "baby" staring at 30 this year. Now that is defying the odds! See we really do "buck" they system! But in a positive way. 

So as the new generation emerges with the belief that they hold all the answers, it's the current generation that learned a few things... Allow me elaborate... We were totally wrong! When we thought we knew it all, we knew nothing! Even the stuff we were determined we knew, that was wrong too. But we were right about a few things! We were right to watch, listen, and learn from the older generations! Our grandparents were and are jewels of knowledge, and we were smart to hang on to them. Things on the surface that may have seemed old fashioned, were so right on with their moral compass. Our parents learned from them, and while many fought them and thought they could do better, could be better. We both are realizing now, while technology has come so far, it has come at a huge cost. Our grandparents always look right at us when they speak to us, to anyone. And while some grandparents are embracing the Facebook Twitter generation (hashtag)#progress, they still know how to write a thank you note on stationary (that's paper-don't want people to have to Google too many terms here).  There's still a group, many veterans of WWII, that believe a handshake is still an agreement, a man's word is his bond, and kindness goes a lot farther than a fist. You think the war affected them? Or the war before, remember these people had parents too! 

When my parents said "no"' that was it. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. Going up the generation tree, the story is the same. "No" has meant "No" for generations. So how did this generation learn to take "no" and turn it into "not this second, keep asking till you wear me down"? Me and my sisters tried that maybe a few times... Then my Dad heard about it... Yeah, Mom could be a push over when Dad was out of town, but when she was firm on something and we pushed it, hell hath no fury like a Mom mad... Or something like that,  I think that's how the saying goes... If not that's how it should.

Is it any surprised I can be shocked by my kids behavior, and my husband isn't? I am sure this is a pattern in households everywhere. Mom is clueless as to why her authority is taken as a joke, kids fear Dad, cause when Mom's upset Dad's double upset.... And they get double the work (you'd think they'd figure this out). Then Mom has to rely on Dad to be the "enforcer" on all things which then makes Mom "pointless/worthless". So the kids see Mom as just a babysitter "level"- nice! The I'm telling "dad" of authority. Fabulous! So this cycle continues. 

Moms... "Man up"  yeah, sounds weird! "No" has to mean "no", period, and not, "not now". Single moms everywhere don't get the "just wait till your Dad hears about this". But I'm not going to let single moms off the hook either. I know, cause I was one for a stint, and if it was guilt or just wanting to be the cool Mom, boy did I start some bad habits at an early age! It's amazing how these sweet loving kids become monsters who hate our very existence upon hearing the word "No". It's the smallest word, but can bring the smallest of children to the oldest of kids to their knees, in screaming fits of rage. Where did that sweet angel who loved me and thought I was awesome a few minutes ago, go? The begging, the texting, the non-stop bargaining begins. Yet, the whole time most (I know it runs through my head) parents are thinking, "I would never have thought to re-ask my parents". Yet, we calmly keep answering, till ultmately (under good terms) a parent snaps and buries a kid in the backyard. Totally kidding!!!! No, what normally happens these days is the kid successfully wears down the parent, the brat gets what they want and learns the number threshold for asking... (Mental note a tattoo will take at least 20 times) - ah never- nice try! Unlike my oldest who just decided to wait till she was 18 then just do stuff behind our backs (clever- whatever!), still not cool.

So mom's join with me with a deep breath and one big - "NO!" Dad's if it's just you, I salute you! Don't feel guilty, use the word too! It works, really, I promise... Again.... "NO!"

New school year, new season

For those of you dedicated readers and life followers, we did move over the summer. Dogs, bearded dragons, iguanas, and a hamster.... Then the family!  Dedicated to providing the best educational opportunities for our kids possible, while we loved the size of our old house, the location didn't work. So with lots of detailed looking further North we moved, and we got a home that suits our needs (for now). The nice thing about the house is it once was (or at least was in the process of) an assisted living home (in a neighborhood). Weird, I know. It's a 4 bedroom home, two baths, and has all the bathroom safety features. In addition, it's got a complete fire suppression system. Even better, NO stairs! The steps outside were removed and smoothed to a ramp to the front door. Total score! So yes, total perfect "me" house... But enough about me! 

Erik remains at his school (always was the plan), and Elizabeth started middle school (yikes) this is were the comments flood in saying No way, you are way too young! Well thanks, but yes, middle school! And an awesome one at that! She is in a ton of advanced classes and just hit her stride right off the bat. The first grading period ended and they both did great. Erik's goal of improving his GPA this year is right on track. Lizzy's goal is already off to an excellent start! She can be very hard on her self. 

Softball season started and with our move came the need to move to a new league. Starting "over" can sometimes be hard, but then again this is Lizzy so although she isn't catching as much as she is used to (there's 4 catchers including her and she's the youngest) she has made a statement on the field. In true Lizzy fashion, she is proving herself and making a name, on the field... Right where it belongs! Always proud! But just like always she continues to be well rounded and her request for the tree climbing never stop. I hope her husband hunts, or something, cause otherwise he'll just have to put up with her need to have a tree house... Oh well!

Erik opted out of sports this fall, he wanted to focus on school, and is looking to start working again shortly. He amazes me with his maturity. I really have done well by him. He'd never admit it, but having Rich in his life really made all the difference in the world. He has been able to see that not all men run when times get tough, that's an important lesson! 

Amanda is doing great too! Working hard, with two jobs. She finally has a car, and is looking at options for school in the very near future. I laugh when people say, "well what does she want to do?" All I can think of is gee, I'm how old and what I "want" to do continues to evolve. I laugh, look at them and say, "grow up". When your that young, having just completed high school it's imbedded in you that you go to college. You go thousands of dollars in debt, at some point you figure it all out, and bam! You get a great job. Oops, except for one thing, that last part... Those great jobs are no longer a dime a dozen, and the specialized jobs often require specialized school, with specialized debt. So while kids are drinking college away, having parties, and figuring it out, sometimes it's better to work a little while you are figuring it out. Just a thought... From an MBA.... Who happens to be married to another MBA.... But then again... I could be wrong, and it could be just another rant of mine in a life of blogging. 

Decision Day

Well Decision Day came and went yesterday in the city I work in. Several cast their votes. In a city of roughly 160,851 registered voters, 49,730 spoke.  So a 30.9% turnout (not even half) of the registered voters determined the fate of the city and millions of dollars. Many will say- that's how the system works. Those who care get involved, those who don't- don't. The biggest problem- I saw, was as a primary for city council, the mayor, and a referendum. So many talked about confusion on what they were voting on. How many of those voted for something they had no idea they were voting on? How many didn't vote because they were sick of the whole thing? Either way a $50 million project hung in the balance, something teams of people have spent years (YEARS) working on.

A little misinformation goes a long way! Cries of fix what we have because it can be became the ultimate cry. But take for a moment the idea of a sinkhole home in your neighborhood. Would you sit by for years while the homeowner decided what they wanted to do? You wouldn't really have a choice, after all it is THEIR property. It's THEIR money. I mean after all unless you are willing to pay for a company to come over and do the work what else can you do? Sure you can report it, but then what? A crew comes out from the state and declares the whole neighborhood unstable. Did you know that?  After all you were trying to look out for your neighbor in the hopes it wouldn't spread, but now its too late. Years went by and the situation kept getting worse.
Often people think they know what's best, they read the newspaper, listen the news, and of course the government is always out to waste money. The idea of "refurbishing" has cracked me up to no end. The city has spent HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars every year doing just that- repairing- refurbishing a deteriorating pier. You don't think part of that money was hiring someone to prevent spending money if they could. To research what options there were? At some point you have to know when a home can't be fixed... you move on. Before it swallows an entire neighborhood!

Everyone points to a COUPLE of caissons and touts their strength. For the next 20 years or so.... my son is 17, I have been here for 12 years... I am amazed what has changed in that time. 20 years from now is ALOT to gamble on... and then, there won't be funds to "fix" what's failing then...

Going back to the home... part of the home-buyers crisis that most don't talk about was the buy the most you could afford (talked about) BUT then came repairs... if you were already tapped out month to month how do you put on a new roof? How do you fix the garage door? Replace appliances? Fix leaky pipes? GOD forbid you had a pool and that started acting up! You see where I am going...

So yes, things cost money. And while people are always quick to remind government that its "their" money being spent so they should have a say on every last penny, its true, and you do. You elect people that represent you. They make those decisions. Not liking the decisions they make, sometimes stinks. But halting those decisions has enormous long-term effects.
While I don't agree with every decision ever made in government, I understand the process.
I also understand that by thwarting the process you can do more harm than good... the "decision" may have been made yesterday, but what it did was leave the city with the last 8 years of planning and hard work by many, needing to start over. THAT was a process! But then again... it is just another day in Life in blogging