Holidays

With my niece having a baby this Christmas, there would be plenty to be happy about... one would think. But with all the loss from last year and the continued loss this year, its hard not to think of those that will not be around. I know each year people get all excited for those shiny toys and the new stuff. But I often wonder what about all the people that are gone, are they watching? Are they proud?
I never just stop during the holidays, as any follower would know, but its especially during these times I wonder, when everyone is together and some of their traditions start being forgotten do they frown?
Sure, with everyone new traditions are born, some for the better! I'm glad I don't take a horse and carriage to well, anywhere. But instead, I can get into a car and go, because a tradition of thinking was broken, yet horses haven't gone away.

So no, we don't have to worry too much that all will be lost, but we should take a few moments, and make sure that we do honor those that came before us, that paved the way. Teach our children just a few things that made us who we are today. With any luck, those moments will help guide the next generation back into a brighter tradition.

Heart pain

Ever wonder what people are really thinking? Ever think maybe it's better that you don't know? Some people do well with criticism, while other do a couple things- 1) get very upset and fight back 2) fall into a hole and just implode. I'm glad I had the opportunity in life to learn from some of the greatest on how to handle life's fights. Sometimes you just don't need to put a horse into the race, sometimes you find every horse on the farm.... But I don't need to fight. I know where I stand in life. And I do know what's right and wrong. I also know I'll be really glad when it's January....

 This isn't my season. There I've said it, ba hum bug, it is what it is, but the bottom line is while so many are excited about all the "things" this time of year brings, I'm fighting to keep my heart from breaking into a billion pieces (all over again). Stupid as it is, but my life has solace in it. I have succumb to the notion that some things happened in life for a reason, and I wouldn't be on my current path if I had endured a torn heart at one time or another. At some point, however, the pieces do become ultra tiny, and fitting them back together becomes a task that takes on a whole new job. 

Each winter season I am blessed with the sun. I am not pounded by the unforgiving biting cold to further remind me of my losses. The days the air has the crisp bite, I only have to breathe a little deeper to take in the salt air, rather than fear the dry air grown accustomed in the cold northern air. Life changes, as have I. I try each year to make it the best I can for my kids.

This year the tree went up, I created new decorations, and the village looks great with the train. I hope it can be enough to fill the spaces where my heart still breaks....

It's just not the same... Just not the same...

At least I have him by my side....