Are you kidding me?

So Friday is suppose to be the laid back kick up your feet day- right? Someone didn't get that memo! I didn't go to work yesterday because my MS won that battle and getting out of bed became the chore. So today was the "we need..." and "don't forget..." Then came the calls (I forgot to mention it was only 9 am) next thing I new I was downstairs for about an hour and half- okay but that means NOTHING gets done! Shortly after that I get another call, I am needed at a Fire Station- really? Now normally these are fun calls and I get to enjoy myself- not this visit... contractor scope issues involving SBE (Small business enterprises) are always "fun"... so hard hat (yes I look great) in hand- off I went. Still bumming they don't have a fire pole, living with the flat screen tv! Mad I missed lunch- what gives! So the day is one huge mega meeting that leads me dirty- dirty!!!!!! YUCKY!! So I am finally back at my desk- I'm forgetting the part where it's almost time to go- and I open my email- WHY DO WE DO THIS ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS? So HOLY MOTHERLOAD! I have 40 emails- like I have time for that- it's Friday people! (Megan I know you are laughing at this point- along with all my other "peeps" who can totally hear me saying this- STOP SNORTING!) So I'm going through them and some are whinny wanting information they received at a meeting (read your notes people), some are event information- DAN WELDON PARADE next Tuesday- SWEET! Then there was one that stopped me in my tracks!!! Okay it's email I wasn't going anywhere... it was from this Mom I had talked to at the ball field on Wednesday during Lizzy's game. Now anyone who knows me, knows I walk around... and cheer for PLAYS... most people don't know I have a kid on the team- I don't say I do unless people ask. If you don't know me enough, I don't share that info. We talked as I was cheering on someone, because she asked me if that was my daughter. I told her no, I just know she can hit- (it was actually someone from the other team my daughter had played with the year before).  I know kind of crazy- but my heart is always with the GIRLS- plays are plays, and I want ALL of them to do well. So she was telling me she knew me from earlier in the season- we got interrupted because - like always work came in- a guy wanted my business card and we started talking. She came back to me and started asking me all these questions- I felt bad because to be honest since being removed from the board, I try not to answer anything, say anything, or do anything that can be used against me... NOT going down that road again!!!! I mean seriously! So I joked with her a little bit and asked her how many years she's been at softball. First year! And there it was- a newbie! I tried to reassure her and told her that the first year can sometimes be rough but as she gets more involved she'd learn more. I gave her my card and wrote the website for league on it. I thought that would keep me out of trouble- right? Yeah back to my "FRIDAY EMAIL"! So I open this email to find out that she sent an email with my name? Not sure what that is about? She said she was blind coping me but sent it with my name instead! Oh yeah- THANKS!  Oh but wait!
So those of you in my "peeps" circle know that I am totally FB lockdown... so I had posted the outcome of the game- everyone saw my mom's reply- and my comment back to my mommy (love you mom). So yeah- some how the Mom I talked to phrased what I said on FB the same way when she complained to the board. (That was her email). She doesn't want to give her name, or her daughters name. I can't say I don't blame her, but on the other hand what am I suppose to do? I will have to go back and "clean house" once again! Because like they say- who are your "friends"? Mine trust me, love me, respect me, and stand by me!

Saturdays

I think I know why God rested on Sunday. SATURDAYS!!! We put so much into our Saturdays that it becomes a necessity to rest. Between school work, kids games, the things we can't say no to, and then the parties. I mean it becomes an issue of Sunday's become Saturday's we have to rest at some point. Two days get everything done that we can't do while we are working- it just isn't enough! Stay home... yeah- those who know me, know that ain't happening! I said AIN'T! I know women will look at this two ways- I have something against stay-at-home moms, or I don't think stay-at-home moms have lives... Let me dispel all of that now! I have "stayed at home" a few times. The first time was when Lizzy was born... we looked at the cost of child care (before and after school, and then adding full child care) and for the three kids, MOST of my check was going to pay for child care- what fun is that- three kids- roughly $375 a week! Ahh working 3 days a week out of 5 to pay for child care- seriously? The other two days paid what??? Then it was the time... So it was decided... I'd stay home... At 4 months old I needed OUT, the kids were driving me nuts... staying home drove me nuts. I loved spending time with them, but two of them were gone, the other one only talked (cried) at me when she wasn't happy. She wanted Dad anyway. For me- I wanted WORK. Cleaning the house is fun, but only for an hour... And it doesn't take 5 days to scrub a bathroom- that's an illness! Yeah, I needed work! SO at that point I started working 2 days, it worked great, Rich was off both of those days so no child care and he saw the whole "pick kids up" life... a day of Mr. Dad. They always behave for Dad- total crap! As we have gotten older, we have added to our lives with activities and I no longer work Saturdays, often. BUT I have substituted that schedule with a full time work schedule because to be honest, staying at home is NOT something this mom can do!  I have since "stayed home" a couple of times due to surgeries. Once for 6 weeks and once for 4 weeks. Both times I remembered immediately why I work  I hate staying home. I hate sitting around, I hate "finding things to do", and I hate spending my days around the house... it makes me find projects- which is always dangerous. To my stay at home moms- you gals are awesome! I would need lots of drugs- the depression I felt alone was enough to send me running back to work... for me I need work... So when the retirement years come, don't count on me to be sitting on my back patio. I will, but only to plan my busy day... I won't be home... nope- Rich will have to keep up... His dance card will be pretty full! Yep, just like Saturdays!

Yelled at

I got yelled at today because someone in my office couldn't use the copier. We had a training session and that person didn't attend, not my fault. Then I sent an email with directions for the machine.. hmm, at no point did this person say anything... But out of the blue- boom! And the somewhat funny thing was this person would not let me show them anything, so really what was I suppose to do? I hate getting yelled at... I mean actually yelled at! Just not cool!

Friends and regrets

I love my Megan! I met her during one of the roughest times in my life and she loved and accepted me through God's eyes. It was wonderful, and without judgement.

One of the things that happens when "you" grow up you make plans... we planned on growing up and living on the same block... you know the our husbands will figure it out thing... to be honest, I think if our husbands ever did meet, they would! My husband isn't one to have alot of friends, just his personality, he's got a bunch of friends, but close friends... he's picky! These guys... same thread! Family first! Anyway, the stars were made differently, and before I knew it I was in Florida- perfect choice for me- the cold kills my body. As for her, she has become the state hopper... Kentucky, Virgina, New York, and now Illinois. During this WHOLE time we have managed to keep in touch here and there. The internet is a wonderful thing...
But I can't help and to think how I miss, I mean truly miss my friend. Miss the fact that she isn't down the street, sitting in my backyard. The guys aren't cooking on the grill... I miss my friend! And more so, I miss the fact that I can't help her when she needs me. Two little kids, you need a good friend- that should be me! So as they have packed up this morning bright and early to head to their next location, next state, I secretly hope it isn't there last. I KNOW Dave isn't a beach bum like Meg... but I keep hoping he finds a want ad someday down here that he can't walk away from... and I will get my chance... Selfish, just a little... but to the person that opened her arms and didn't judge me, I wish I could open my arms and give her a hug and hold her when she needs the extra strength to push through... I love you MEG!

wow life!

I am never quite sure which path to take in life. I have traveled many roads and lived such a great life for only being 35! Hardship always comes with any journey and you find yourself stopping along the way to refuel, look at the map to make sure you are on the right path, and in some cases change directions.

This last year has been (words just don't do it justice) insane. My job position has not changed per-say, but almost on a weekly basis everything around me is changing. Who I report to, the dynamics, and the structure. At some point I do see actual description changes ahead. In a world that has become driven with more for less- often employees are asked to "earn" their value. Funny- I already do- and then some! But that is another rant, another day!

My classes for my BS will be coming to an end soon- yeah! and then the big question- what next? My masters seems like the next step, but I have personal reservations. It has nothing to do with ability- my GPA speaks to that! (3.86- and that with have 2 major surgeries) I worry about the long term. I truly don't know how long I can work. Yes I said CAN. This year has been very eye opening. There have been times when getting out of bed felt like the biggest accomplishment. Fatigue, leg spasms, migraines, and general pain is just not a way of life- not at 35! Yet there are days even several days that go by and I feel great! I joke that I am too young for this, but the truth is- I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! and it drives me nuts. It's 7:30 at night and really I want to say good-night to my kids and call it a day... this is my current path... is it work? school? or something else causing my current path...

I will rant just a tiny bit regard the "event" and be done... some know I had been the VP of Softball at our local little league. I was removed by our board during a meeting after they voted stated I had been making negative comments to 3 separate  people about the board. Then as I tried to speak, I was cut off and called a liar... the paths we take. The motion was made, the vote was cast, it was done. The next morning I received and email and phone call from one of the 3 who was shocked that I was no longer with the board because she loved working with me. She was asking why I wasn't on the board... funny, I figured she would know... I explained that I had been informed I had made negative comments regarding the league/ board to her. She told me she had never said or implied that... hmm, funny! At that point it was clear to me, the path was chosen... I would take another one! My daughter has continued to play at the league (and have a good season). She hasn't improved, which is sad to see. I have made it a rule to go to the field and sit, just sit. Keep my mouth shut. But it is amazing what happens, and the things you hear. I have heard more complaints, more people upset with just about everyone. And the heartbreaking statements those who LOVE the game never want to hear "WE WON'T BE BACK!" over and over again. And I sit... I will not have it said that I SAID ANYTHING!
Broken hearted- oh yeah! Betrayed- you bet! When I had my hand surgery and could not comb my hair, button pants, or bathe myself I received 18-20 emails a day requested something. At one point I had people typing for me so I could keep up on my VP duties... thank god for kids and interns! Yet at NO point did a single board member ask me if I needed ANYTHING.
Now I look at my road and I see the path before me. I know I have to stay out of the heat. I know I can't do many things and I push myself to act normal, and I will continue to do so... it will just be a path that feels good... and hopefully with people that can love me along the way!