Just a small reminder

Sometimes your walk, run, live on your little cloud, then something happens that reminds you that yep life!!! It's real! Here are the FACTS: A few years ago I had a hysterectomy. Yeah! 32 and I had to say good-bye to ever being a new Mom. I was devastated!  My goal had been to get to 35-36... some goals don't work out! I decided at the time to tell NO ONE. It was bad enough that I had to turn in FMLA paperwork for work and on the form it said: HYSTERECTOMY... two people were going to know! Would one tell everyone? My boss would call me into her office (she had to sign off on it) and ask me a ton of questions- really? I wanted to die! Out for 6 weeks only to return to more questions! Talk about horrible!
I turned to a friend... she was with me at the hospital and let me tell you- WOW- that was a visit! She drove me around, and when I say "friend" image showing up only to meet Ms. Grumpy! Yep- that was me! But there she was! Fast forward... all healed a few years later and a bunch of wine later... I find that I can never be there "enough" for her!
It's the little things, those small reminders... I feel I owe her so much more than a few jokes to make her smile, or a hug to remind her I am always here. I don't want her to go through what I did, Lord knows her struggles are enough! I just want her to always know in my darkest moments when my "secret life" was both psychically and mentally painful- her being there was above and beyond what I could ever ask for in a friend.
NOW- it's my turn!!! Just a small reminder!

shaking it up

I have great friends! I have people that will listen to me, cry with me, and tell me when I am way out of line! THOSE ARE TRUE FRIENDS! I find myself from time to time searching for reality checks because my weeks tend to fly by and I make decisions without thinking. I need people around me to say "HEY- are you serious!" If it weren't for those people in my life shaking me now and then, who knows where I would be. I am grateful to all my friends who keep me grounded, but at the same time bring out the crazy in me that expands my horizons and pushes me to be more than a couch potato!
I truly believe everyone has a point when we get lost in ourselves and we start acting in a away that we justify for one reason or another to be okay. It maybe "for the kids", or "just to pay the bills", sometimes its "the need to succeed", but in the end if we took a real long deep hard look in the mirror and were HONEST with ourselves we would quickly realize the backstabbing words, the cruelness shown to others, or the slips in judgement (for the good cause) weren't really all that good after all. Does being right all the time really matter all that much? Is being in "charge" of every situation really all that important? Having a stronghold on every situation sometimes comes at a price, a human price. As I watch my children grow and develop relationships (working, friends, etc) I can only hope I leave them with a sense of kindness and respect towards others regardless of the situation. To care about other people regardless of what they think and feel. Knowing that on the other side of the table, room, area is a person with real feelings and a real heart that can and will be broken. Cut throat actions may get you to the top, but as you stand at the peak looking down (alone) its a long fall. Who will be around to catch you? I prefer to climb with people, bringing them with me, so if we fall, we fall together- laughing the whole way down, dusting ourselves off and plotting a new way to the top. I hope that when we get to the top I can share the view with all my friends and delight in it- whatever view it happens to be... just a dream, gosh, I hope not!

Sunday mornings

Sunday mornings in Florida are just a blessing. For some reason I have found week after week, month after month, year after year we hardly have bad weather on Sundays. It may be "too warm" for some folks (I think when my Ohio friends are dealing with the teens- 80's would feel pretty good!), but we live in a word with indoor/outdoor fans, air conditioning, and pools! I hardly go anywhere any more that doesn't have AC even "historic" places have retro-fitted to include AC more to preserve and help with moisture as to encourage guests. (THANK YOU FOR THAT) Enjoying church on Sunday morning is one of those things that takes a moment out of our lives, builds us back up, and gives us a moment to reflect on what has gone on in the past week. I truly believe Florida SUN is sometimes the "FATHERS" way of making just that easier to rejoice. Some people rather worship at the beach in their own private ways (we actually have a church at the beach too- it's Florida after all), while others bring their family together in their patios, the fact that for some time during the day people take time to remember that the sun that is warming the earth rose from the sky and will set- has a purpose- and was created for us, is just so incredible. So this Sunday morning while I have friends dealing with the loss of three precious little boys, and family I don't get to see, and dear friends moving yet again after a horrible experience, I will take a moment to look into the sky and thank God for his warmth from the SON and giving me this Sunday to rejoice in him.  

Are you kidding me?

So Friday is suppose to be the laid back kick up your feet day- right? Someone didn't get that memo! I didn't go to work yesterday because my MS won that battle and getting out of bed became the chore. So today was the "we need..." and "don't forget..." Then came the calls (I forgot to mention it was only 9 am) next thing I new I was downstairs for about an hour and half- okay but that means NOTHING gets done! Shortly after that I get another call, I am needed at a Fire Station- really? Now normally these are fun calls and I get to enjoy myself- not this visit... contractor scope issues involving SBE (Small business enterprises) are always "fun"... so hard hat (yes I look great) in hand- off I went. Still bumming they don't have a fire pole, living with the flat screen tv! Mad I missed lunch- what gives! So the day is one huge mega meeting that leads me dirty- dirty!!!!!! YUCKY!! So I am finally back at my desk- I'm forgetting the part where it's almost time to go- and I open my email- WHY DO WE DO THIS ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS? So HOLY MOTHERLOAD! I have 40 emails- like I have time for that- it's Friday people! (Megan I know you are laughing at this point- along with all my other "peeps" who can totally hear me saying this- STOP SNORTING!) So I'm going through them and some are whinny wanting information they received at a meeting (read your notes people), some are event information- DAN WELDON PARADE next Tuesday- SWEET! Then there was one that stopped me in my tracks!!! Okay it's email I wasn't going anywhere... it was from this Mom I had talked to at the ball field on Wednesday during Lizzy's game. Now anyone who knows me, knows I walk around... and cheer for PLAYS... most people don't know I have a kid on the team- I don't say I do unless people ask. If you don't know me enough, I don't share that info. We talked as I was cheering on someone, because she asked me if that was my daughter. I told her no, I just know she can hit- (it was actually someone from the other team my daughter had played with the year before).  I know kind of crazy- but my heart is always with the GIRLS- plays are plays, and I want ALL of them to do well. So she was telling me she knew me from earlier in the season- we got interrupted because - like always work came in- a guy wanted my business card and we started talking. She came back to me and started asking me all these questions- I felt bad because to be honest since being removed from the board, I try not to answer anything, say anything, or do anything that can be used against me... NOT going down that road again!!!! I mean seriously! So I joked with her a little bit and asked her how many years she's been at softball. First year! And there it was- a newbie! I tried to reassure her and told her that the first year can sometimes be rough but as she gets more involved she'd learn more. I gave her my card and wrote the website for league on it. I thought that would keep me out of trouble- right? Yeah back to my "FRIDAY EMAIL"! So I open this email to find out that she sent an email with my name? Not sure what that is about? She said she was blind coping me but sent it with my name instead! Oh yeah- THANKS!  Oh but wait!
So those of you in my "peeps" circle know that I am totally FB lockdown... so I had posted the outcome of the game- everyone saw my mom's reply- and my comment back to my mommy (love you mom). So yeah- some how the Mom I talked to phrased what I said on FB the same way when she complained to the board. (That was her email). She doesn't want to give her name, or her daughters name. I can't say I don't blame her, but on the other hand what am I suppose to do? I will have to go back and "clean house" once again! Because like they say- who are your "friends"? Mine trust me, love me, respect me, and stand by me!

Friends and regrets

I love my Megan! I met her during one of the roughest times in my life and she loved and accepted me through God's eyes. It was wonderful, and without judgement.

One of the things that happens when "you" grow up you make plans... we planned on growing up and living on the same block... you know the our husbands will figure it out thing... to be honest, I think if our husbands ever did meet, they would! My husband isn't one to have alot of friends, just his personality, he's got a bunch of friends, but close friends... he's picky! These guys... same thread! Family first! Anyway, the stars were made differently, and before I knew it I was in Florida- perfect choice for me- the cold kills my body. As for her, she has become the state hopper... Kentucky, Virgina, New York, and now Illinois. During this WHOLE time we have managed to keep in touch here and there. The internet is a wonderful thing...
But I can't help and to think how I miss, I mean truly miss my friend. Miss the fact that she isn't down the street, sitting in my backyard. The guys aren't cooking on the grill... I miss my friend! And more so, I miss the fact that I can't help her when she needs me. Two little kids, you need a good friend- that should be me! So as they have packed up this morning bright and early to head to their next location, next state, I secretly hope it isn't there last. I KNOW Dave isn't a beach bum like Meg... but I keep hoping he finds a want ad someday down here that he can't walk away from... and I will get my chance... Selfish, just a little... but to the person that opened her arms and didn't judge me, I wish I could open my arms and give her a hug and hold her when she needs the extra strength to push through... I love you MEG!