Still shaking my head

Almost a year has past since "the incident"... or incidents... I am not real sure. To be honest I have no idea what really caused the conflict between me and one of my sisters, but the truth is she banned me and my family from her life and her children's life. I do know at one point she was down right rude and mean to my oldest daughter. And as a mother and the oldest sister... I called her out! I also know she doesn't like not getting her way- hmm, well I have learned in life sometimes you don't. When you don't get your way, it stinks, but that is life. It doesn't mean you shut the door on people and God forbid you treat them like the enemy. Speaking of God...
This has been a very big sticking point... my blog... my words! If a person is religious and makes statements and is very big about something, that is great! I am all for it, I welcome it! Be true to your convictions though. You can not tell me about your deep religious beliefs (something I am very familiar with) and then treat people the way you do, act the way you do, and say the things you say. God's forgiveness is far more understanding and seems to be within reason. I lack the understanding sometimes how "God fearing" people select to follow different paths that what God instructs them to do. But I am not a judge, nor is it my place. Thus I continue to not understand and shake my head.
I do know that there are 4 small children that a sweet innocent babies that have no idea what "banned" means. Unlike my oldest daughter and my son who felt it personality. Feelings get hurt, and while I TEACH forgiveness even when it doesn't seem right. I tell my children often people act before they think and that often once they think they don't know how to act...
It's been almost a year... and still I shake my head because being banned just didn't seem a warranted action. But if that is how it is to be... that is very very sad...

No options

Sometimes can't just  life gives you choices some times you don't get a choice. You can't speed without getting in trouble, you can't just kill people- that isn't nice, and you can't cut people off on the road without wondering if they are going to do something worse... (okay maybe the last one people don't think about but they should). Then there are there are the options that are taken out of your hands with little to no self choice. It is very frustrating when people have a personal agenda, and their feelings cloud their decisions. Just sad. I think people forget what they started out doing and lost their focus along the way.
I just wish I could have figured out the real motive months ago so I could have cleared out, and saved a little girl's heart. Just sad when the "option" really isn't a option at all.

wow life!

I am never quite sure which path to take in life. I have traveled many roads and lived such a great life for only being 35! Hardship always comes with any journey and you find yourself stopping along the way to refuel, look at the map to make sure you are on the right path, and in some cases change directions.

This last year has been (words just don't do it justice) insane. My job position has not changed per-say, but almost on a weekly basis everything around me is changing. Who I report to, the dynamics, and the structure. At some point I do see actual description changes ahead. In a world that has become driven with more for less- often employees are asked to "earn" their value. Funny- I already do- and then some! But that is another rant, another day!

My classes for my BS will be coming to an end soon- yeah! and then the big question- what next? My masters seems like the next step, but I have personal reservations. It has nothing to do with ability- my GPA speaks to that! (3.86- and that with have 2 major surgeries) I worry about the long term. I truly don't know how long I can work. Yes I said CAN. This year has been very eye opening. There have been times when getting out of bed felt like the biggest accomplishment. Fatigue, leg spasms, migraines, and general pain is just not a way of life- not at 35! Yet there are days even several days that go by and I feel great! I joke that I am too young for this, but the truth is- I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS! and it drives me nuts. It's 7:30 at night and really I want to say good-night to my kids and call it a day... this is my current path... is it work? school? or something else causing my current path...

I will rant just a tiny bit regard the "event" and be done... some know I had been the VP of Softball at our local little league. I was removed by our board during a meeting after they voted stated I had been making negative comments to 3 separate  people about the board. Then as I tried to speak, I was cut off and called a liar... the paths we take. The motion was made, the vote was cast, it was done. The next morning I received and email and phone call from one of the 3 who was shocked that I was no longer with the board because she loved working with me. She was asking why I wasn't on the board... funny, I figured she would know... I explained that I had been informed I had made negative comments regarding the league/ board to her. She told me she had never said or implied that... hmm, funny! At that point it was clear to me, the path was chosen... I would take another one! My daughter has continued to play at the league (and have a good season). She hasn't improved, which is sad to see. I have made it a rule to go to the field and sit, just sit. Keep my mouth shut. But it is amazing what happens, and the things you hear. I have heard more complaints, more people upset with just about everyone. And the heartbreaking statements those who LOVE the game never want to hear "WE WON'T BE BACK!" over and over again. And I sit... I will not have it said that I SAID ANYTHING!
Broken hearted- oh yeah! Betrayed- you bet! When I had my hand surgery and could not comb my hair, button pants, or bathe myself I received 18-20 emails a day requested something. At one point I had people typing for me so I could keep up on my VP duties... thank god for kids and interns! Yet at NO point did a single board member ask me if I needed ANYTHING.
Now I look at my road and I see the path before me. I know I have to stay out of the heat. I know I can't do many things and I push myself to act normal, and I will continue to do so... it will just be a path that feels good... and hopefully with people that can love me along the way!