Heart pain

Ever wonder what people are really thinking? Ever think maybe it's better that you don't know? Some people do well with criticism, while other do a couple things- 1) get very upset and fight back 2) fall into a hole and just implode. I'm glad I had the opportunity in life to learn from some of the greatest on how to handle life's fights. Sometimes you just don't need to put a horse into the race, sometimes you find every horse on the farm.... But I don't need to fight. I know where I stand in life. And I do know what's right and wrong. I also know I'll be really glad when it's January....

 This isn't my season. There I've said it, ba hum bug, it is what it is, but the bottom line is while so many are excited about all the "things" this time of year brings, I'm fighting to keep my heart from breaking into a billion pieces (all over again). Stupid as it is, but my life has solace in it. I have succumb to the notion that some things happened in life for a reason, and I wouldn't be on my current path if I had endured a torn heart at one time or another. At some point, however, the pieces do become ultra tiny, and fitting them back together becomes a task that takes on a whole new job. 

Each winter season I am blessed with the sun. I am not pounded by the unforgiving biting cold to further remind me of my losses. The days the air has the crisp bite, I only have to breathe a little deeper to take in the salt air, rather than fear the dry air grown accustomed in the cold northern air. Life changes, as have I. I try each year to make it the best I can for my kids.

This year the tree went up, I created new decorations, and the village looks great with the train. I hope it can be enough to fill the spaces where my heart still breaks....

It's just not the same... Just not the same...

At least I have him by my side.... 

 

Communication

Speaking is one of those things I truly believe people take for granted. Feelings get hurt so quickly, often without words ever being spoken. Actions that were intended for one purpose are taken as another, and people run with hard emotions, instead of taking a moment and looking at all the facts. I truly believe that wars start because people do not know how to speak, and think others should do it for them. People who know me know that I say what I am thinking, and I fight my own battles- most of the time. It is VERY rare that I will have Rich speak on my behalf, and even then I am standing next to him so the person is aware that I am "behind" the message. See I have learned that many things gets lost in the game of telephone, we've all played it one time or another, and we all laugh at the last person who blurts out the phrase in the end... burnt sausage sunrise! WHAT! That's not what I said at all!!!! Yep- telephone is dangerous! And so is being upset about anything and never actually talking to the person to find out what really was going on... CONVERSATIONS and true communications can save alot of hurt feelings, relationships and prevent war! I have yet to see a war without casualties... No one is really ever the winner... there really is never a "good" outcome... and sometimes PRIDE is just a little too much... olive branches are all around, but sometimes people rather grab and smash them, and make statements, than actually communicate what they really feel...

Sunday mornings

Sunday mornings in Florida are just a blessing. For some reason I have found week after week, month after month, year after year we hardly have bad weather on Sundays. It may be "too warm" for some folks (I think when my Ohio friends are dealing with the teens- 80's would feel pretty good!), but we live in a word with indoor/outdoor fans, air conditioning, and pools! I hardly go anywhere any more that doesn't have AC even "historic" places have retro-fitted to include AC more to preserve and help with moisture as to encourage guests. (THANK YOU FOR THAT) Enjoying church on Sunday morning is one of those things that takes a moment out of our lives, builds us back up, and gives us a moment to reflect on what has gone on in the past week. I truly believe Florida SUN is sometimes the "FATHERS" way of making just that easier to rejoice. Some people rather worship at the beach in their own private ways (we actually have a church at the beach too- it's Florida after all), while others bring their family together in their patios, the fact that for some time during the day people take time to remember that the sun that is warming the earth rose from the sky and will set- has a purpose- and was created for us, is just so incredible. So this Sunday morning while I have friends dealing with the loss of three precious little boys, and family I don't get to see, and dear friends moving yet again after a horrible experience, I will take a moment to look into the sky and thank God for his warmth from the SON and giving me this Sunday to rejoice in him.