That moment of silence

I know... silence... something that you don't normally consider when thinking of me. I'm okay with that. I like to speak my mind, I like to talk, I like to share (and I also like to listen). This world is so full of everything I find it hard not to... kind of why I find it easy to blog. Right now, however, I am at a loss... not so much that I don't know what to blog about I have plenty of topics I could bring up... but right now I am in silence. To the point it rings in my ears and hurts. Silence can be nice, it can be a place to think, but it can also be lonely and it can be brutal. When you scream in your head and still nothing its that silence...the answers don't come... you just hope that the road ahead clears... and the silence becomes words of comfort...

Smiling and breathing

A cup of coffee... okay, sometimes it really doesn't take that much... a cup of coffee... yep! A little hope in my window of doom... and my heart has started beating once more! The fire pit- still something always to fear and should be something to stay clear of- hopefully a very good lesson learned! For me, the phone call that started with "I am done, and with such a short window of time, you want to grab a cup of coffee and talk" it begins! That window of hope... sometimes that's all we have, all we can have, and all we need... for the day! A a window with a view!!!

STOP

My heart is in STOP mode right now and until I hear otherwise I just don't know what to do. I have feared this moment for a while but have had no idea how to stop it. When you play with fire you get burned. When you play with snakes you get bit, and in this case when you play with BOTH the combination can be deadly. I am hoping and PRAYING that the outcome to a VERY impromptu meeting that has my heart STOPPED is nothing more than a wake up call... YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH FIRE! Risking it all... I am trying not to panic... but it is taking everything not to fall apart... breathe... breathe breathe...... If only it were just that easy!
I guess I just have to keep swimming! Dang it! I forgot my flippers and goggles!

A little laugh

Sometimes people do get what they deserve. I know that seems a little harsh, but from where it is coming from I am not sure how else to feel. Being cut off and tossed aside as though I didn't matter and nor did my feelings- (or my families) you sometimes just sit back and wait. You never wish bad things on anyone- that's horrible! But when people pretend to be something they are NOT- in the end it always catches up to them, one way or another, life has away of equaling out and "righting" itself. I'm not one for "revenge" - I have no need for something so silly and such a waste of time and energy. No, I have found, while it may take weeks, months, and in some cases years, people do in turn have to face the music. After all- everyday people have to get up and at some point look at themselves. If they lie to themselves everyday from the start... it makes for a very long day.
I am happy with my life! Truly I am. People have asked me- do you feel that your MS is full circle for your "just deserve"?  That may be... I know I was by NO means perfect... I also know that I was by no means evil either. I know that along the way I may have hurt people, but in many cases I do feel I was equally hurt. Does that make it right? Probably not- have I ever tried to justify my actions- nope. I take my actions for what they were and have learned from them in so many ways. Regarding my MS... hmmm I think of all the "other people" in this world and yet with me, I have become so much stronger since my MS. For me, it was almost like a gift, a second chance. Yes, I know my "end" won't feel like that... but till then, I will always find a way to laugh a little. Mainly because well- as mean as this sounds- there are so many that have said I would fail- and I don't. There are so many that have doubted me- and I continue to soar. There are people that cut me out because I wasn't good enough or they found issues with me- that has been their loss- NOT MINE! So I am the one with a little laugh today... mainly because I see the BIGGER picture, like I always have, and I know even though it really isn't about winning or losing... I WON!

Leonid Afremov

A little off the course

First I want to say to all the people checking in- HI! Privet! おはよう hola! tja! szervusz! Guten Tag! hyvää päivää! dobriy den!  Let's get real for one quick second and talk about humble! I understand the world is a tad bit bigger than me... I really do- promise- and I REALLY promise that I KNOW that Facebook is not the "cat's meow"- totally understand that too! But when I started blogging way back when... you know when Simon Cowell was nice- HA! I never in my wildest dreams would ever think that I would look at my "stats" and see other countries lit up!
I actually thought (and thank you for letting me think it for a split second) my brother-in-law was taking time out of his extremely (that is NOT a joke) busy life- SAVING MINE- to read my blog as he traveled about the world thus getting me "WORLD WIDE COVERAGE". But No! I was really just that FAMOUS! Okay "famous" is NOT the world... but Russia, Ukraine, Egypt, Japan, Germany, and Finland...  talk about feeling the love! If only I "knew" who you all were! Anyway... I just wanted to go a little "off course" today and say THANKS! It's nice to know sometimes that complete strangers on the other side of the world tune in to see if I have had my melt-down... or not... :) just kidding!
Nah... I live in the greatest place on earth... no melt downs here!