What! What!

My youngest recently posted a photo on her Facebook page that made me pause for a moment. It wasn't bad, it was her. And she was gorgeous! All grown up! I couldn't believe my little girl was so grown up. But no matter what, she still loves her parents and gives loves, hugs, and respect...

Guess we are doing it right!

Almost grown up, but not yet

Sometimes its hard to remember my kids aren't grown ups. Weird. I know. You look back at when they were born and you struggled to figure out why they were crying- diaper is clean, they were fed, burped, they even slept, you'd hold them, and they still just weren't happy.

Then they would talk... and boy did they. What language was that? I, for one, never believed in "baby talk". It was hard enough to learn "proper" English, let alone a created language that a child would outgrow in time. Besides, nothing like calling out to a 16-17 year old to pick up a "wooby" (blanket) in front of his now girlfriend. AWESOME! Just wasn't going to happen. Not to mention, I didn't have time to teach a made-up language to any hopeful babysitter I might attract when the kids were little.

Seriously, I can't tell you how many babysitting jobs I had as a teen that started off with well intended parents giving me their child's dictionary for communication. I think the parents may have been a little surprised to come home and learn their child knew how to speak real words (and wasn't crying- but laughing).

Now my youngest is 12, my son is 17 (almost 18), and our oldest is 19 (almost 20). While our oldest just recently spread her wings reaching that "grown-up" stage, the phone calls to Dad any time something comes up is that sure sign that while things are moving along... there's still that little wiggle room for need (which is a good thing). Then there are the other two, which brings me to my actual topic!

I am totally one for teaching independence. As soon as each of my kids could reach the buttons on the washing machine they now could be responsible for completely doing their own laundry (they have days of the week for that so no one is on top of each other). Folding and putting away has been their job since they could open and close their drawers. Why? I don't wear their clothes! If it is important to them, they will take care of it, and for the most part they do.
Dishes are pretty much the same story. I am crazy when it comes to having a clean kitchen. If they can reach the sink, they can help with dishes. Loading/unloading the dishwasher or hand-washing dishes has always been one of the biggest "tasks" that seems to be a labor of love.
Their rooms are no different (cleaning, vacuuming, etc).

Then came cooking... I was raised in a house as the oldest of four girls and on my Mom's side of the family the oldest of six granddaughters. It was never said that "females shall learn to cook", but it was certainly taught. Both my Mom and Grandma included me and my sisters as soon as we were tall enough to help (with anything). So when it came to my kids I took the same approach, if they came into the kitchen during prep time- it was because they wanted to help!

The great part of cooking is it involves reading. It involves measurements, calculations (math), and it involves critical thinking. If the meat dish takes 40 minutes, the veggies only take 10 minutes, what time should I start them so they'll be hot and not over cooked? But cooking also involves patients, and most importantly, it involves attention without distractions.

It's that last part that adults sometimes forget doesn't always mix well with kids (and some adults). With today's distractions I find myself thinking of the movie "UP" and hearing the dog talking interrupting himself frequently with the distracted "SQUIRREL!".  Is it any wonder there aren't more house fires as kids start their favorite snack only to hear the theme song to their favorite tv show and 20 minutes later remember "oh yeah, I'm cooking!".  Luckily, most kids think cooking is microwave only, and most kids only know how to cook using the number system rather than some of the fancy pre-set systems. But I am sure many kids have lost bags of popcorn, or over cooked that "Easy Mac" and just sucked it up.

But the stove! Oh the Stove! Some parents would say- YOU SERIOUSLY LET THEM GO NEAR IT WHEN YOU AREN'T AROUND? Ah yeah! And I let them cross the street too! I do NOT plan on moving WITH them or going to college WITH them. They have to learn. Do I want a house fire? Oh, HELL NO! But I also want them to grow up. Which means making some mistakes along the way.
While I won't throw any one person under the bus... I know some adults that have had the fire alarm go off a few times letting their kids know "dinner is ready". So to say distractions only happen to teenagers, well, that's silly... BUT one would hope that this learning moment helps in that growing up process.

Because after all... they're almost grown up, but not yet!

Life's blink

It's always amazing how things change in a blink on an eye. You can be having the greatest day of your life, having spent it doing wonderful things, but receive news about a love one and everything changes.

Bright eyes...

Years ago, longer than I can even remember, my Dad gave us nicknames that would be unique to him. I became his "bright eyes". He said they always smiled, they always were happy, and they always shined- they were just bright! He could count on me to provide a sense of happiness with just a look. Wow! Now that's powerful! Powerful to tell a child that they can make them smile because of the inner brightness. On some of my hardest days in life, I have always wanted at the very least, for my eyes to shine bright, his bright eyes.

Last years loss of my Grandmother was hard, crushing, but also timely. It was my Dad who at one point needed a hug, and as I was hugging him, stopped and looked at me right in the eyes... Teary, he said, "thank you my bright eyes, I really needed that." 

During that time, I tried to hold it together for the family. My mom had lost her Mom, my Dad had lost what had become one of his best friends, and my sisters were all grieving in various ways. For me, the oldest, I was in solutions mode, fix it all, grieve later. Keep my chin up, and my eyes bright...

The last couple of weeks have seen a new struggle. My Dad has had various surgeries, a hip replacement, some other health stuff. But then came his heart. Nothing can prepare you for issues with your parents and their heart. Everyone knows how the body works, heart-good, no heart.... You get it...  

For those that follow here and there, or those that barely know me, some wonder- why the two names? Well... I have two men in my life that earned and won my heart. I married one, the other one I let adopt me and be my Dad... Yeah, I said "let". But the truth is he chose to be my Dad, that was what was in his heart, for me to be his. Not a "step" anything... But his. So I'm not quite ready for any "blink of the eye" changes just yet... 

No, I still enjoy being his "Bright Eyes".

Holidays

With my niece having a baby this Christmas, there would be plenty to be happy about... one would think. But with all the loss from last year and the continued loss this year, its hard not to think of those that will not be around. I know each year people get all excited for those shiny toys and the new stuff. But I often wonder what about all the people that are gone, are they watching? Are they proud?
I never just stop during the holidays, as any follower would know, but its especially during these times I wonder, when everyone is together and some of their traditions start being forgotten do they frown?
Sure, with everyone new traditions are born, some for the better! I'm glad I don't take a horse and carriage to well, anywhere. But instead, I can get into a car and go, because a tradition of thinking was broken, yet horses haven't gone away.

So no, we don't have to worry too much that all will be lost, but we should take a few moments, and make sure that we do honor those that came before us, that paved the way. Teach our children just a few things that made us who we are today. With any luck, those moments will help guide the next generation back into a brighter tradition.

Heart pain

Ever wonder what people are really thinking? Ever think maybe it's better that you don't know? Some people do well with criticism, while other do a couple things- 1) get very upset and fight back 2) fall into a hole and just implode. I'm glad I had the opportunity in life to learn from some of the greatest on how to handle life's fights. Sometimes you just don't need to put a horse into the race, sometimes you find every horse on the farm.... But I don't need to fight. I know where I stand in life. And I do know what's right and wrong. I also know I'll be really glad when it's January....

 This isn't my season. There I've said it, ba hum bug, it is what it is, but the bottom line is while so many are excited about all the "things" this time of year brings, I'm fighting to keep my heart from breaking into a billion pieces (all over again). Stupid as it is, but my life has solace in it. I have succumb to the notion that some things happened in life for a reason, and I wouldn't be on my current path if I had endured a torn heart at one time or another. At some point, however, the pieces do become ultra tiny, and fitting them back together becomes a task that takes on a whole new job. 

Each winter season I am blessed with the sun. I am not pounded by the unforgiving biting cold to further remind me of my losses. The days the air has the crisp bite, I only have to breathe a little deeper to take in the salt air, rather than fear the dry air grown accustomed in the cold northern air. Life changes, as have I. I try each year to make it the best I can for my kids.

This year the tree went up, I created new decorations, and the village looks great with the train. I hope it can be enough to fill the spaces where my heart still breaks....

It's just not the same... Just not the same...

At least I have him by my side....