Rain rain... awe that's okay!

While normally people are bugged by the rain... me, not so much... See I have a TON of paperwork and tons to do... and NO one I mean NO one that can or will help. SO that said, I am not missing out on a great sunny day. I am missing maybe some snuggle time that could go with a rainy day. But let's keep this PG! ;)

I read a blog today that brought me to tears. http://wp.me/s1pyq0-broken BACK story... a year ago a dear friend of mine was expecting triples! HOW totally exciting! The best part was he and his wife blogged us through their journey and it wasn't the typical "today I decided I am not eating fast food for the baby" blog. Nope these two are just too cute! They both tackled some serious issues but had a lot of fun with it. Like MOST mulitple pregnancies her's was HIGH risk to the 10th degree! With little warning she started to miscarry. I truly beleive there were thousands that hung by there computers as tweets, facebook messages and blogs spoke about their journey, until it was announced... their three precious boys were delivered and handed to God.

A year later, while many were cooking out, running to go to the store for something they forgot, I had two friends that are still lost. They aren't on a beach playing with the only volleyball that survived the crash. But at times "Wilson" may seem the only thing that understands all the emotions that echo in the walls of their home. As gifts started to arrive, and then returned, grieving begins and never ever truly ends.

Today it is raining, and I recieved an email... it was a link to a blog... as I read it I had to think... is it really raining or is someone letting it all out.

Back at it

Well I am giving it a go! Okay I am trying! Headed to work today and I am always shocked when you arrive at work after not being there since Friday (it's Thursday now) how people will act like nothings change/different/wrong... just pile it on! Hmm... yet other people miss a day or come in looking blue and its "YOU OKAY?, What can we do for you? You Should go home?"  Really? Explain that to me... How when others "seem" ill everyone JUMPS to help, yet I can be throwing up in the bathroom, walk out and someone will be standing there and ASK ME if I will be able to get a report done by the end of the day? SERIOUSLY? The end of the day... sure... no problem... I wore my superwoman cape! So while part of me is laughing, and the other part is holding my side, it still hurts! I am back at it... so watch out!

Reflection

Time is one of those things that just goes. But some memories stay with us. I remember coming home, I remember the blink on the answering machine, I remember my grandmother's voice. I had just seen them. We had just celebrated 50 years of their marriage. My grandfather had acted almost childlike. His shuffle at times was almost gone as he went from table to table greeting people and spending time with everyone. I mean everyone. I was amazed at the people that came to wish them blessings at being together for 50 years. He was so cute. My grandmother (much the mother) guiding him to this person and that person. It was so sweet. THAT was marriage. That is what I wanted. Pictures (that was just a given) and then clean-up. Back at their house, time to relax and for me, time to go get dirty. Yep, that was life at the lake. Regardless of age, that was life at the lake, let your hair down, go for a swim, boat ride, or a walk, but come back and you were dirty.
Here I was standing in my kitchen now listening to my grandmother talking about arrangements a week later. I must have listened to it twice maybe three times. I hit the floor. Tears pouring from my eyes, it couldn't be. It just couldn't. Before I knew it I was in the car driving to my mom's school looking for her, she was out on the playground and I rushed to her still in tears, begging her to tell me I heard the message wrong. Hoping it was a family friend, as awful as that would be, just as long as it wouldn't be MY grandpa. It was. Now what. Everything was going to change. Everything.
My grandma is still with us today, considering I was still in high school at the time, that says quite a lot. I know some people wondered if she would ever date or "move on". She once spoke on that. She was quite clear. I had my husband, for 50 wonderful years, why would I ever need anyone else. For 50 years I took care of and was taken care by the same person, why would I need anyone else? With that the answer was clear, regardless of living 5 more, 10 more, or 30 more years she was quite happy with the way her life is. A lesson I think we all should and could learn. I think too often we want more, what we have in life isn't good enough and we think that we could do better. Really? Do we not remember the years of what we have. I do! Not a single day goes by that I don't remember what I have. Not a day goes by I am not grateful for what life has given me. Do I need to think about life after... no... because like my grandmother I know that the life I have will sustain me and I will be super grateful for the years I had! Who could ever replace that?

Living loving the Sun

This weekend is a weekend to reflect and remember those that have given of themselves for the our country. Most do that by getting together with friends and family in the form of picnics, beach time, and of coarse cook-outs! Well how would we as a family be any different if we didn't do all three! I live for the sun! Everyone that knows me also knows that knows I love good sunscreen too! So that said my lobster "areas" are rather funny... I am NOT completely burned... nope- thank goodness... but I am burnt! Little areas that let's just say were glow in the dark white prior to our day at the beach. The rest of me nice a golden.
 This is Memorial Day and I will remember its true meaning today. My Daughter made a little clip a few years ago that respects this day the best... my sunburn will heal, but there are several families living without their loved ones, that whole can't be patched with some burn relief. To them I say thank you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M7LgkutiMI&feature=share

Still shaking my head

Almost a year has past since "the incident"... or incidents... I am not real sure. To be honest I have no idea what really caused the conflict between me and one of my sisters, but the truth is she banned me and my family from her life and her children's life. I do know at one point she was down right rude and mean to my oldest daughter. And as a mother and the oldest sister... I called her out! I also know she doesn't like not getting her way- hmm, well I have learned in life sometimes you don't. When you don't get your way, it stinks, but that is life. It doesn't mean you shut the door on people and God forbid you treat them like the enemy. Speaking of God...
This has been a very big sticking point... my blog... my words! If a person is religious and makes statements and is very big about something, that is great! I am all for it, I welcome it! Be true to your convictions though. You can not tell me about your deep religious beliefs (something I am very familiar with) and then treat people the way you do, act the way you do, and say the things you say. God's forgiveness is far more understanding and seems to be within reason. I lack the understanding sometimes how "God fearing" people select to follow different paths that what God instructs them to do. But I am not a judge, nor is it my place. Thus I continue to not understand and shake my head.
I do know that there are 4 small children that a sweet innocent babies that have no idea what "banned" means. Unlike my oldest daughter and my son who felt it personality. Feelings get hurt, and while I TEACH forgiveness even when it doesn't seem right. I tell my children often people act before they think and that often once they think they don't know how to act...
It's been almost a year... and still I shake my head because being banned just didn't seem a warranted action. But if that is how it is to be... that is very very sad...