Years

Often I find myself wondering how time flies. It seems like yesterday I was making a huge decision and moving to Florida with a little guy that didn't quite understand. Now 13 years later so much has happened that one little blog post hardly does it justice. Sure there have been moments when I was totally homesick, missing my family, coffee with my Mom. But I wouldn't give up my life for anything in the world.

What and who I gained are so precious to me, I am beyond blessed. So while it may not seem like it enough, I know where I am in this world, where I'm headed, and where I belong. That's a pretty awesome feeling...

Thanks honey for walking this path with me, sometimes leading the way, sometimes letting me take the lead... It's an awesome journey, and I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else!

Carry on

Many years ago I embarked on a journey... Yeah that sounds so cool doesn't it?
Well, motherhood often is. Knowing that during the journey you really aren't driving but merely a passenger along for the best ride of your life let's you have the best views!

 It starts in the beginning with this tiny little life that depends on you for, well as everyone knows, everything. Then at two, they have grown into independent "own-self" little people that find their way into a world of "can do". Around 5 they learn a little help isn't such a bad thing, unless someone is watching. Then come the "years" from 8-12 where each child varies some are drastically dependent on their parents for everything while others couldn't be farther if they lived on their own island. Around 13-14 (if not earlier anymore) comes that first TRUE I mean true heart break and that's when parents (and their reactions) play such a vital role. "Lift your chin, there's other fishes" or "let's take care of you" parents often pave the way for the future... ahhh... 15 not quite there, but not back there either that age when older friends are  leaving and new friends are "too childish" a true sandwich- and parents are clueless. Then comes 16- sorry parents, you're still idiots, but at least now the child has dreams, hopes, and know what they want out of life (even if they believe its super easy for all of it to just happen). I love 17-19! This is where it gets real. Money becomes real, things actually cost something. There is value to things and the tree in the back isn't where money is made. All the years of past lectures finally seem to sink in, (sort of) they may still act like you are a complete moron- but they are starting to see that some of those hard lessons you have been trying to drive home weren't because you enjoyed hearing yourself sound like your parents (wasn't that creepy the first time).

Off to college or moving out... that next phase... independence. I remember it well. No longer under my parents health insurance, a car payment, auto insurance, rent, utilities, gas, food, and everything else, paying for everything with what I made. It's amazing my life wasn't more than just Ramen noodles. I sure did stumble along the way...

But the good news is just like I know my kids will... we carry on. The journey is a great one... carry on...

What! What!

My youngest recently posted a photo on her Facebook page that made me pause for a moment. It wasn't bad, it was her. And she was gorgeous! All grown up! I couldn't believe my little girl was so grown up. But no matter what, she still loves her parents and gives loves, hugs, and respect...

Guess we are doing it right!

Almost grown up, but not yet

Sometimes its hard to remember my kids aren't grown ups. Weird. I know. You look back at when they were born and you struggled to figure out why they were crying- diaper is clean, they were fed, burped, they even slept, you'd hold them, and they still just weren't happy.

Then they would talk... and boy did they. What language was that? I, for one, never believed in "baby talk". It was hard enough to learn "proper" English, let alone a created language that a child would outgrow in time. Besides, nothing like calling out to a 16-17 year old to pick up a "wooby" (blanket) in front of his now girlfriend. AWESOME! Just wasn't going to happen. Not to mention, I didn't have time to teach a made-up language to any hopeful babysitter I might attract when the kids were little.

Seriously, I can't tell you how many babysitting jobs I had as a teen that started off with well intended parents giving me their child's dictionary for communication. I think the parents may have been a little surprised to come home and learn their child knew how to speak real words (and wasn't crying- but laughing).

Now my youngest is 12, my son is 17 (almost 18), and our oldest is 19 (almost 20). While our oldest just recently spread her wings reaching that "grown-up" stage, the phone calls to Dad any time something comes up is that sure sign that while things are moving along... there's still that little wiggle room for need (which is a good thing). Then there are the other two, which brings me to my actual topic!

I am totally one for teaching independence. As soon as each of my kids could reach the buttons on the washing machine they now could be responsible for completely doing their own laundry (they have days of the week for that so no one is on top of each other). Folding and putting away has been their job since they could open and close their drawers. Why? I don't wear their clothes! If it is important to them, they will take care of it, and for the most part they do.
Dishes are pretty much the same story. I am crazy when it comes to having a clean kitchen. If they can reach the sink, they can help with dishes. Loading/unloading the dishwasher or hand-washing dishes has always been one of the biggest "tasks" that seems to be a labor of love.
Their rooms are no different (cleaning, vacuuming, etc).

Then came cooking... I was raised in a house as the oldest of four girls and on my Mom's side of the family the oldest of six granddaughters. It was never said that "females shall learn to cook", but it was certainly taught. Both my Mom and Grandma included me and my sisters as soon as we were tall enough to help (with anything). So when it came to my kids I took the same approach, if they came into the kitchen during prep time- it was because they wanted to help!

The great part of cooking is it involves reading. It involves measurements, calculations (math), and it involves critical thinking. If the meat dish takes 40 minutes, the veggies only take 10 minutes, what time should I start them so they'll be hot and not over cooked? But cooking also involves patients, and most importantly, it involves attention without distractions.

It's that last part that adults sometimes forget doesn't always mix well with kids (and some adults). With today's distractions I find myself thinking of the movie "UP" and hearing the dog talking interrupting himself frequently with the distracted "SQUIRREL!".  Is it any wonder there aren't more house fires as kids start their favorite snack only to hear the theme song to their favorite tv show and 20 minutes later remember "oh yeah, I'm cooking!".  Luckily, most kids think cooking is microwave only, and most kids only know how to cook using the number system rather than some of the fancy pre-set systems. But I am sure many kids have lost bags of popcorn, or over cooked that "Easy Mac" and just sucked it up.

But the stove! Oh the Stove! Some parents would say- YOU SERIOUSLY LET THEM GO NEAR IT WHEN YOU AREN'T AROUND? Ah yeah! And I let them cross the street too! I do NOT plan on moving WITH them or going to college WITH them. They have to learn. Do I want a house fire? Oh, HELL NO! But I also want them to grow up. Which means making some mistakes along the way.
While I won't throw any one person under the bus... I know some adults that have had the fire alarm go off a few times letting their kids know "dinner is ready". So to say distractions only happen to teenagers, well, that's silly... BUT one would hope that this learning moment helps in that growing up process.

Because after all... they're almost grown up, but not yet!

Life's blink

It's always amazing how things change in a blink on an eye. You can be having the greatest day of your life, having spent it doing wonderful things, but receive news about a love one and everything changes.

Bright eyes...

Years ago, longer than I can even remember, my Dad gave us nicknames that would be unique to him. I became his "bright eyes". He said they always smiled, they always were happy, and they always shined- they were just bright! He could count on me to provide a sense of happiness with just a look. Wow! Now that's powerful! Powerful to tell a child that they can make them smile because of the inner brightness. On some of my hardest days in life, I have always wanted at the very least, for my eyes to shine bright, his bright eyes.

Last years loss of my Grandmother was hard, crushing, but also timely. It was my Dad who at one point needed a hug, and as I was hugging him, stopped and looked at me right in the eyes... Teary, he said, "thank you my bright eyes, I really needed that." 

During that time, I tried to hold it together for the family. My mom had lost her Mom, my Dad had lost what had become one of his best friends, and my sisters were all grieving in various ways. For me, the oldest, I was in solutions mode, fix it all, grieve later. Keep my chin up, and my eyes bright...

The last couple of weeks have seen a new struggle. My Dad has had various surgeries, a hip replacement, some other health stuff. But then came his heart. Nothing can prepare you for issues with your parents and their heart. Everyone knows how the body works, heart-good, no heart.... You get it...  

For those that follow here and there, or those that barely know me, some wonder- why the two names? Well... I have two men in my life that earned and won my heart. I married one, the other one I let adopt me and be my Dad... Yeah, I said "let". But the truth is he chose to be my Dad, that was what was in his heart, for me to be his. Not a "step" anything... But his. So I'm not quite ready for any "blink of the eye" changes just yet... 

No, I still enjoy being his "Bright Eyes".